Hold Your Tongue!
This week, I’m focusing on the first principle from HTWFAIP:
“Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain. Human nature does not like to admit fault. When people are criticized or humiliated, they rarely respond well and will often become defensive and resent their critic. To handle people well, we must never criticize, condemn or complain because it will never result in the behavior we desire.”
What a stupid princi… mm… SORRY!!
This principle is a challenging one! So much of my daily life involves offering criticism of things. But even thoughtful criticism has no place in Carnegie’s world. What’s the point?, he asks.
Later in the book, there are principles focused on winning over people to your way of thinking (something that criticism is, at times, used for). But until then, here’s what I’m doing: Keeping my mouth shut!
It’s hard for an extrovert to not talk about something! This morning, as a work meeting came to a close, we started talking about movies we had seen over our winter break. My boss brought up the film La La Land, a musical set in Hollywood and starring Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling. I saw it over break too, but didn’t offer any commentary about the film. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, …”
If I don’t want to stay silent during times like these, what to do? The answer relates to the next principle, “Give honest and sincere appreciation.” And certainly there are things I can praise about the film! I like both its stars, for example. The songs were catchy, and the film was very colorful.
That’s not enough to write a solid movie review, but you know what? I’m not a movie critic, and for good reason! I’m just a guy trying to Win Friends and Influence People. And if that means I have to shut up with my hot takes about La La Land, then that’s a price I’m willing to pay.
In what situations do you keep your criticisms to yourself? Has keeping quiet resulted in any good or bad outcomes for you? Let me know in the comments!
