When Saying Names Might Work Best
After I read How to Win Friends and Influence People back in 2009 (sometime around then, anyway) and shared it with Lyn, we both started beginning our emails with “Hi Lyn” and “Hi Michael.” Partly, it was a shared joke about the book. But it was also an earnest attempt to engrain this principle. We still do this in most of our emails today!
How much of a dividend can this change make? It’s hard to say. When people work together, live together, and/or spend social time together, there’s nothing WRONG with using names often, but I don’t have any evidence that it brings people closer together.
And at work, my ability to notice a change through using this principle is limited, in part because my early efforts with Lyn led to lasting change. I almost always address people by name in emails and in person. For example, I often arrive at work before others. As they pass by my office door, I call out “Good morning, [name]” to each person I see. But even if I had started using names just now, it’s a small office. Can use of names make a difference in this situation? I don’t know.
All that is preamble to say I have a story of using names that seemed to make a difference, and it reaffirms Lyn’s and my conclusions that saying names helps to individuate.
I needed new tires on my car, so I called to make an appointment at my local Honda dealer. When you call, the receptionist transfers you to whichever service rep is available. That means, unless you specifically ask, you get someone you may or may not have ever met before. The system treats all service reps as interchangeable, anonymous pieces.
I was transferred to Kelly and resolved to use her name repeatedly. I tried not to cross the creepy line, but did use her name several times, often in affirmations: “That sounds great, Kelly!” “Sure thing, Kelly.”
For the rest of the call, as well as dropping off the car, her call telling me the car was ready, and picking it up, Kelly seemed happy to see and talk to me. She called me “sunshine,” “love,” and “hon,” as well as “Mr. Braun.” I found this especially noteworthy when I met Kelly and remembered she had handled my last visit to the dealership some number of months ago. She seemed like a bit of a “tough cookie,” perhaps in part because she works in a field dominated by men.
By using her name, maybe I helped let her know I saw her as an individual. She wasn’t just the person handling the paperwork for whatever routine maintenance someone’s car needed. Instead, she was someone with a life outside of work and a style at work that was her own. I let her know she was a person in my eyes, not just someone who told me where to sign.
Most interesting to me: By using Kelly’s name and getting this response, it makes me want to request Kelly the next time I need service. My interaction with her made me want someone I know and who knows me. Using names made the interaction more than a transaction. In any context, that is something wonderful. And it shows when saying names may work best: when individuating will make someone feel that they are extra special.
