Over the past few years, CEOs are increasingly embracing the need for empathy in the workplace. 82% of CEOs believe a company’s financial performance is tied to empathy [1].
Why this emphasis on empathy? Empathic management increases productivity, motivation, employee wellbeing, and decreases attrition, helping to improve collaboration and decision making.
First, let’s define empathy: Empathy is the ability to understand and relate to an individual’s emotional state, motivations, and needs while reserving judgment and remaining neutral.
So, what does that really mean?
Empathy doesn’t mean you agree or even like the other person. It is not being weak. As matter of fact, empathy requires skill and ability to remain balanced while recognizing another person’s point of view. Empathy helps to see the big picture and removes ego and judgments when communicating.
What are the steps to being more empathetic?
1. Know yourself. Understand your fears and your hidden biases.
Empathy can be weakened by unconscious decisions triggered by biases. The large majority of people impede their empathy because of limited experiences with other people and cultures. Environment, culture, and family all play a part in defining our biases.
To determine your hidden biases, look at your life. How would you answer the following questions?
1. What type of neighborhood do you live in or would like to live in? What do your ideal neighbors look like?
2. What is your ideal person to date? What is their skin color, background, weight?
3. Who do you have as your best friends? How similar are your circle of friends?
4. When in a crowd, what people do you gravitate to? Who do you stay away from?
5. Do you think certain types of people are lazy or without self-control?
6. When you see a name you can’t pronounce, what is your first thought about that person?
Be honest with yourself! The only way to uncover your biases is for you to be completely honest with yourself and start examining each individual bias. The first step in clearing out your biases is for you to acknowledge them.
Next, look at when you get angry at work. Anger is the emotional energy generated to fight against a perceived threat. Anger happens because of some fear. Let’s look at some of the common reasons a leader or manager may become angry:
· Fear of failure i.e. another person’s performance will reflect negatively on your performance
· Fear of loss of status
· Fear of not being respected
· Fear of being judged negatively
· Fear of letting go of what is known or comfortable
· Fear of being treated unfairly
· Fear of not being good enough to succeed
When angry, step back and take the time to think about the reasons for the anger. To start learning about yourself, pay attention to how you react throughout your day. Ask yourself these questions:
· Why do certain people trigger reactions in me?
· Do I dismiss individual’s opinions without really taking into consideration their viewpoint?
· When do I feel angry? What fear is the root cause of the anger?
· How did my actions contribute to my anger?
2. Respect other people’s opinions.
Instead of trying to win an argument or sway another’s opinion to your own, use the dialogue to understand a new perspective. Encourage dialogue with the other person. Use sentences like, “That’s interesting, tell me more about how you feel.” Or “Why do you think that way?”
Just remember, working to understand another person’s point of view doesn’t mean you agree with them.
You also need to be able to explain your point of view without anger or hostility. Getting angry only puts up barriers with the other person. Don’t feel you need to have the last word or “win” the discussion. Staying neutral and keeping negative emotions out of the conversation is the best way to understand other’s opinions while diffusing any anger they have.
3. Really get to know people in your organization.
Meet with co-workers and ask questions about their experiences, what their life is like, and how they got to where they are right now.
One way to do this is to have an “ice-breaker” in a staff meeting or social gathering. Asking questions like “Share something others don’t know about you.” or “What are your passions outside of work.”
People also want to see the authentic you. Go beyond the small talk. Tell people about yourself and show your vulnerabilities. Then switch it around and really listen to what they are saying to you.
People like talking about themselves. When people disclose private information to others it can increase interpersonal liking and aid in the formation of social bonds. [2]
4. Actively listen and focus on the other person.
Managers can become more empathic by increasing their listening skills. Active listening is not only hearing the words the other person is saying but understanding the full message. Try not to be distracted and do such things as formulate an answer or think of other things while the other person is still talking. To be an active listener you must:[3]
1. Completely focus on the other person and put aside distracting thoughts.
2. Pay attention to non-verbal communication such as body language, gestures, volume inflection and pitch, facial expressions, and appearance in addition to the words.
3. Show the other person you are listening by nodding and looking at them.
4. Respond back by summarizing what the other person said so they know you heard them correctly.
5. Reserve any judgement of the other person.
6. Show respect and do not interrupt the other person while they are talking.
5. Find the things that are common between you and another person instead of focusing on the differences.
People tend to focus on differences and threats, but usually people are more alike than different.
1. Practice recognizing something you like about each person you interact with during the day. After a while, you will start doing this automatically and start opening yourself up to understanding and bonding with people.
2. Open up the conversation beyond general chit-chat. Ask questions of the person that requires them to tell you a bit about themselves. Questions like “Where did you grow up?”, “What is your favorite food?”, “What do you like to do when you are not working?
3. Open yourself up and show your feelings to others. Being a strong leader doesn’t mean you can’t show vulnerabilities in your life. As a matter of fact, people will bond with you more if you can share parts of your life that may not be perfect.
Empathic managers make better decisions, and have more loyal and productive employees.
Thanks for reading!
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Interested to read more of what I have written?
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Tina Kuhn is the author of the “The E Suite: Empathic Leadership for the Next Generation of Leaders” and “The Manager’s Communication Tool Kit: Tools and Techniques for Managing Difficult Personalities.”
[1] https://www.businessolver.com/resources/state-of-workplace-empathy
[2] https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-neuroscience-of-everybody-favorite-topic-themselves/
[3] https://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm
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