Projection Is an Opportunity to Know Ourselves Better
You are my mirror, and I am yours.
“Like a butterfly,
flitting here, there.
Touching hearts, but
never being touched.”
That was a poem I wrote in high school about a friend with whom I didn’t feel an emotional connection. At least not in a way that was meaningful to me. I was anguished, as only an adolescent can be. We no longer communicate.
At the time, I blamed her. Today I know about projection. I understand that I was writing about myself.
Projection is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against their unconscious impulses or qualities — both positive and negative — by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others.
Understanding projection became a salvation of sorts for me. But before I understood it, it kept me alone.
I had labels for people who annoyed me or made me feel uncomfortable. I called them standoffish, unfeeling, distant, or superficial. It took me years to see they were mirroring unexamined or repressed parts of myself.
Sure, maybe they exhibited some of the characteristics I saw. But it was surprising that once I began to notice, and…
