Sounds annoying doesn’t it! But really it’s the best design in the world.

Helen Amery
Jul 24 · 3 min read

Have you ever been that driver who drives right up close to someone on the road because they’re going sooooo slowly?

Done, obviously, in the hope of making them go faster.

Have you ever then seen that person in front slow. right. down?

Winding you up even more!

Until you stop and see that what you’re doing is actually making the situation appear in this way. The solid-ness of the story ‘I need to go faster’ and ‘annoying slow driver’ has loosened. Space and lightness. Ease and clarity have returned. You hang back and then they’re off. Possibly even driving faster than before!

The perfect design to allow you to see the fixed story you were holding so tightly about ‘they should drive faster!’ — trying to make faster driving happen from the same rigid thinking that fixed ‘slow driver’ out there as a definite, solid object.

Image credit https://binged.it/2YkEcFr

So try these on for size as similar opportunities to wake up to the behaviour which we ‘think’ is needed but which is actually holding us back by fixing us and them as solid, definite objects:

  1. The person who thinks they need to speak alot for fear of not being heard properly.

Wake-up response: a reality of others who switch off and don’t listen because of the going on, and on, and on.

2. The person who thinks they need to have high standards because they fear anything but the best will show them as not good enough.

Wake-up response: a reality of others playing it small or making mistakes, creating the exact low standard that was trying to be avoided.

3. The person who thinks they need attention, inclusion and praise through fear of not belonging.

Wake-up response: a reality of being kept at arm’s length or rejected because the need seems too much.

4. The person who thinks they need to resist change for fear of not being able to keep up.

Wake-up response: a reality of constant change, yesterday, today, and more tomorrow that can’t be kept up with.

5. The person who thinks they need to create exciting and new through fear that standing still — even worse, going backwards — means rejection or obsolescence.

Wake-up response: a reality of others shouting even louder about what can’t be done, handbrake fully on, stopping created.

6. The person who thinks they need to get on with their job without distraction through fear of being lazy or a slacker.

Wake-up response: a reality of others seeking attention and chats, with questions and problems, work not done.

7. The person who thinks they need to be right about everything through fear that wrong means failure and rejection.

Wake-up response: a reality of others challenging them left, right and centre, telling them they’re wrong.

What are you resisting?

What are you holding to be 100% absolutely, definitely true and fixed about this situation?

What is it inviting you to wake up to?

Answer these questions quietly for yourself. See what you see. See the world shift in response.

With love, Helen.

The Helm

Business Leaders, in their own words. The Helm is a carefully curated collection of insightful content from the business frontlines.

Helen Amery

Written by

Reconnecting leaders to their innate brilliance so they gain Connection, Clarity and Calm. Director of Wild Fig Solutions @WildFigSolns. Founder @LearnConnectDo

The Helm

The Helm

Business Leaders, in their own words. The Helm is a carefully curated collection of insightful content from the business frontlines.

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