10 reasons why Trump needed 17 lawyers to join his legal team
How many White House lawyers does it take for Trump to still wind up in prison? The answer is 17.
Trump, the guy who invented shutting the government down forever, has 17 new lawyers.
For clarity, White House counsel Pat Cipollone was the one actually doing the hiring, which is why he shrewdly hired people somewhat familiar with the law. This is the opposite to Trump’s usual habit of — just hiring guys as lawyers who inadvertently throw him under the bus due to low blood sugar (due to being low on fresh blood), like sexy heart-throb Rudy Giuliani … pictured here.
Trump also hires guys as lawyers who throw him under the bus on purpose, after they themselves were thrown under the bus, like Michael Cohen, pictured here.
So, after failing to get a starring role in Martin Scorsese’s upcoming “Mob Lawyers” docudrama, Pat Cipollone hired 17 new lawyers for Trump’s defense of: “blatant treason not really being a crime …”.
Here’s Pat Cipollone having an arms-folding-contest with humanitarian Mick Mulvaney (inventor of calling people losing their homes to foreclosure, and being unable to feed their families while working anyway — “A FREE VACATION!” Isn’t HE FUN?!?)
So, “Why does Trump need 17 more lawyers,” you ask? (Via the voices in my head I always assume are you.)
Well, due to my own diligent research I have those answers, so without further (or past) ado, here are the ten reasons why Trump needed 17 new lawyers.
10. They’re hoping to start a volleyball team.
9. In case eight new Trump lawyers can’t agree with the other eight new Trump lawyers, the 17th new Trump lawyer is the deciding vote!
8. There were only 17 lawyers left in America who didn’t flat-out refuse to represent him.
7. It takes 17 lawyers, all working together, side by side, to keep Rudy “Tutti-Frutti” Giuliani from drinking their blood by force.
6. Trump actually hired 19 lawyers originally, but Rudy “Nosferatu” Giuliani succeeded in ingesting the blood and souls of two lawyers, while the other 17 were trying to ward him off with crosses and cloves of garlic.
5. I was misinformed about #6. There actually were 19 lawyers originally, but Mike Pence found out two of them were gay and strangled them.
4. Trump wanted one lawyer for every very, very, very serious investigation currently being held against him. (Trump is the focus of 17 separate investigations & counting! Soon he’ll suffer the consequences of this … once the people investigating him stop rolling on the floor laughing at him).
3. 16 lawyers hold Trump down and the 17th lawyer heavily sedates him and possibly gives him a wedgy.
2. All 17 Trump lawyers were the graduating class from a law school that was actually a meth lab (with a hand-printed paper taped to the door that said “Law Skool”) and they didn’t want to be separated.
1. — Trump can only count to 17, otherwise, he would have hired 127,006 lawyers.
17 Lawyers. To defend HIM, because Trump and all the horrible ghouls he somehow had released from hell committed TONS of TREASON.
To those who still support Trump blindly, make no mistake …
… This is not politics and mudslinging accusations. This is actual, real, TREASON. With the U.S.’s greatest foe. Trump and everyone in his orbit are all about to learn there is no number of lawyers that can save them.
Written by Steven W. Rouach.
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