Going to the gym? Know these 5 things

A righteous rant.

julian rogers
Oct 29, 2016 · 4 min read
Clearly not me. She’s way too happy.

1. Do not rest on the machines.

For the rest of us, however, we got things to do and places to be. Don’t rest on a machine in-between sets. Ever. If you finished a set and aren’t about to attack another one in less than 10 seconds, do not stay seated on the machine. It’s gym etiquette 101.

Fitness clubs: Help your patrons out. Put a big sign up on your wall that says “Do not rest on the exercise machines.” Don’t make it a sign with all your other rules. Build it so it is big and visible as a standalone message. You can add a “please,” but that’s a level of courtesy I no longer have, having had to stew waiting for grandpa fuckstick or suzy lipstick while they park their unmoving asses on machines that other people could use.

I don’t want to have to talk to you. I don’t want to have to give you stink-eye and hope you can figure the fuck out that you’re being an asshole. Know the etiquette and be courteous, so I don’t have to be decidedly un-courteous.

2. Wipe the machine down before you get on.

3. Wipe the machine down after you’re finished.

4. Do not talk to me when I’m lifting.

We can be friendly at other times. I’m easy like Sunday morning when I’m not lifting. Which I assume is pretty obvious to all right now.

5. You didn’t reserve the machine

And with that, you now know how to work out at any gym. I hope to see you there.*

© Julian Rogers | @thehitjob

* My mother told me I should say civil-sounding things like this. She did not require me to mean it.

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The Hit Job

humor | culture | football | trouble

julian rogers

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Maker of words and other annoyances. Communicator for hire. Unaffordable. Owner of Juju Eye Communications + publisher of The Hit Job. Twitter: (@thejujueye).

The Hit Job

humor | culture | football | trouble

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