The Ranty Librarian
May 10 · 4 min read

Yes, YOU, progressive white dude.

Hey brah,

I hear you’re super pissed about Joe Biden being the front runner. Just a few weeks ago you were pissed about Kamala Harris, and a few weeks before that it was Beto. I won’t even start on your flip-flopping over Elizabeth Warren. I hear you when you say Biden will be “worse than Trump” and that you’re already planning to sit out this election or vote third party. And I hear you when you say you’d “totally vote for AOC if she were only running.”

Let’s address your complaints one at a time, shall we?

1) We shouldn’t have a two party system

Sadly, true.

You’re so right, Broseph! But … seriously, you are. The two party system tends to drag center-right, and pretty much flies in the face of a true constitutional democracy. I’m extremely hopeful that in another generation, we will break the restraints of that system. But that time isn’t now and you know it.

Every time I rage-scan threads about 2020 candidates, I’m shocked (#notshocked) to discover that somehow we’ve landed in a horrible time machine that has transported us backwards to 2016. It’s not the DeLorean. Even alternate 1985 Biff-Tannen-as-a-casino-mogul is better than this. It’s a perpetuated cycle of self importance that leads educated people to believe that their principles are more important than people’s lives.

In the here and now, people are suffering because of the rhetoric and policies of Donald Trump. But probably not you, right brohim?

2) Time’s Up, Creepy Joe!

Seriously, fuck you

Okay, first of all, get “time’s up” out of your fucking mouth if you plan on sitting at home on voting day. If you sit at home on voting day, you don’t get to smugly sip your tea and feel warm and cozy in the knowledge that you stopped a perv from getting into office.

You SHOULD ruminate on the fact that you’d be effectively voting in a predator that is literally caught on tape admitting to willfully grabbing women against their consent. Yes, YOU. You and your principles.

Don’t get me wrong. Biden is nearing the bottom of my list for primary contenders. He’s too far center for me, I don’t like the responses he’s given regarding women and harassment, and I think he’s got way too much baggage. And, although I proudly voted for Hillary, I don’t think we need another baggage candidate. But, much like Lucy Flores, I would still vote for Biden in the general if he took the primary. Why? Well, grab a bottle of Bróse and read on to your last (and most common) argument, friend!

3) Maybe we need to burn it all down to get the system we want

Here’s where you lose me. Whenever anyone says they want to “burn something to the ground,” I have to ask:” do you care about the collateral damage your ideology causes?

Because, here’s the thing, Scarlett Bro’Hara: Sitting on the power you have, with none of the risk and ALL of the avocado toast, that’s pretty fucking easy for you to say, isn’t it?? Georgia just passed a bill that not only criminalizes abortion after 6 weeks, but seeks to prosecute women for traveling out of state to procure lawful abortions for “conspiracy to commit murder.” This is what the Trump era has wrought. Not just “can you believe he said that?!” rally quotes and porn star scandals. His policies hurt actual people.

And you know what? This heartbeat bill is like the millionth thing that has happened since this human dick factory got elected. So, tell me, bro: when you think about the white supremacists in Charlottesville, the Jews and Muslims who fear being shot every time they worship, the black men and women being targeted by an emboldened and highly militarized police force, and the women who will ACTUALLY FUCKING DIE because of the bill Georgia just passed — how is that better for everyone?

Let me know, bro. I’ll be over here, grateful that I don’t have an ectopic pregnancy in freaking Ohio or Georgia. One final thing before I go, though — something to let marinate: when you make a choice that will have real world consequences for everyone but you, are you a hero? Or are you just plain selfish?


Note from the Author: I’m technically retired from my political writing, but this rage has been simmering too long to hold in. Please check out writers Sam McKenzie Jr. and Ezinne Ukoha who consistently blow me away with their takes on the shit-show of a world we live in.

The Hit Job

humor | culture | football | trouble

The Ranty Librarian

Written by

Librarian, writer and cancer survivor. Also, wanted in five states for grand theft sandwich (sshhhhhhh!)

The Hit Job

humor | culture | football | trouble

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