The impotent thing is, we’re marching for Trump
In case you are wondering, it takes a lot of brainpower to set American records. Records like being the only president in the history of this grand nation to lose the popular vote TWICE, get impeached and lose reelection. That’s an unpresidented trifecta right there. Yes, sir.
The other day a man came up to me and said — big guy, strong guy, manly guy, with a tear in his eye — is there some kind of competency test I can take to see if’n I’m smart ez you?
There is, I sayd. Here you go.
1. Where is the ideal venue to hold a press conference in support of a U.S. president’s flailing election loss?
a) Four Seasons Hotel Philadelphia.
b) Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
c) I could go for a cheesesteak right now.
d) Oh, What A Night.
2. How do you spell the state Atlanta is in?
c) The impotent thing is, we’re marching for Don.
d) Pobody’s nerfect.
3. Is this state a blue state?
a) It is now, Jack.
b) I concede nothing!
c) Don’t ask us. Check out the artwork.
d) Many irregularities!
4. Do you think we’re stupid? Do you think we’re fools?
a) This is too early for a trick question.
b) Rudy Giuliani is “leading the legal effort” to stop vote counting in Pennsylvania.
c) That’s two questions.
d) But it’s the same answer.
5. What do you call a president who loses the popular vote twice, gets impeached and fails to win reelection?
a) Luh. Hoo. Zer.
b) Donald John Trump.
c) He only won in the eyes of the FAKE NEWS MEDIA. I concede NOTHING! We have a long way to go. This was a RIGGED ELECTION!
6. Who won the election?
a) Joseph Biden won the election.
b) I won the Election!
d) Official sources called this election differently.
7. How do you define “progress”?
a) Fire a dim-witted, mendacious, tyrant from the office of U.S. President and replace him with anyone else.
b) Tweet in praise of a previously unknown nutter who spuriously claims voters who chose your opponent are ignorant, anti-American and anti-Christian.
c) When your next wife is hotter than the one before.
d) Sex with a woman without payoffs or civil lawsuits.
8. How many times can a single person vote?
c) 100,000 times.
d) Joe Biden could have voted 50 times or 5,000 times!
9. When will Trump and the Republicans release their unbelievable, terrific, beautiful healthcare plan that is way better than Obamacare?
a) The 12th of never.
b) Two weeks.
c) It’s in the binders.
d) We already did. Didn’t you see it?
10. What is the greatest affront to one’s freedoms and personal liberties?
a) Willingly letting a lying conman lead your country into a pandemic and an economic tailspin through disinterest and incompetence.
b) Being told to wear a mask.
c) Researched scientific study.
d) Obama! No, Hillary! No, AOC!
If you answered “A” to these, you are not GOP presidential material.
If you answered “B” to all of these, congratulations, Donald Trump. You aced your test. Maybe you should start a university?
If you answered “C” or “D,” I CONCEDE NOTHING!