Bad Wick Jokes
It’s not funny when your daughter laughs at a limp wick
My nine-year-old Ricki put a lumpy yellow candle on the dinner table. It looked disturbingly phallic.
“Do you like it Dad?”
“Absolutely. It’s thick, long, erect … what’s not to like?”
My wife Allie smirked and kicked me lightly under the table.
“I made it at school today,” Ricki announced. “Can we light it now during dinner?”
“Sure.”
“And I drew a picture of a princess today,” seven-year-old Josie added. “Can we light that at dinner too?”
“Light it?”
“Burn it.”
“No, we cannot burn your princess picture at dinnertime — or at any other time.”
“Please Daddy! I like to burn things. It’s fun to watch.”
“Uh … what exactly have you been burning? And how are you getting the fire?”
“Never mind.”
“Josie, tell me what you’ve been burning.”
Josie turned her head away and stared at something over her shoulder.
“Josie…”
“Marshall, you have that same evasive look when you’re doing something stupid and think I don’t know,” Allie chuckled. “It’s a pretty big tell, by the way.”
