If you don’t know, it’s not real and you don’t have to worry about it
President Trump said today “I’m not sure I ever heard of a Category 5 hurricane.” Then out of nowhere he gets unfairly pummeled by CNN, MSNBC, and the Communist media. No, I don’t mean the media in Russia — they’re our friends. By communist I mean Californians.
Why is the media acting so surprised? Trump already said in 2017 “I never knew a Category 5 existed” when Irma hit. How many times does he have to tell idiot reporters the same thing before they finally get it: if Trump hasn’t heard of it, it probably doesn’t exist. Or shouldn’t.
This isn’t the first time the biased media hypothesized on the existence of things Donald Trump and the rest of us Real Americans know doesn’t exist. Here’s 20 more things the President of the United States said he’s never heard of and therefore don’t exist:
- Ethics: just theoretical, like quantum physics or democracy or paying taxes
- IRS audits: those guys aren’t real government employees and have no power
- Complete sentences: clear thoughts, what crowds want, you guys are great
- Fidelity: has to do with music and sound waves; can’t see it, not real
- Paternity tests: run by fake scientists, no real proof, waste of time and sperm
- Obama’s citizenship: he never showed it after Fox News asked so nicely
- Balanced budgets: can’t balance stacks of paper, they blow away
- Baldness: only happens to losers, Star Trek characters and black athletes
- Racism: there’s good arguments on both sides: the neo-Nazis and the Aryans
- Calories: myths that make stupid people fat; I don’t believe it and look great
- Espionage: nations don’t spy on each other; just ask my BFF Vladi
- Equal rights: all right hands are about the same; who brought up this topic?
- Smurfs: they live in the woods, I saw a documentary, but that was long ago
- Bankruptcy: you only run out of money if you give it to people you owe
- Global warming: people get hot, not planets, and Earth is closer to a planet
- Poverty: work hard, get paid, problem solved (unless I refused to pay you)
- Nations he can’t pronounce: there’s only England, Russia, and shitholes
- Melania’s real smile: she only has that plastic grimace of terror
- Intelligent voters: people want a simple message, even if it’s “you’re fucked”
- Parody: nobody jokes about the greatest president since Alexander Hamilton