COVID defined by what it is not

COVID-19 / SARS CoV2 / Severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 / the 2019 novel coronavirus / The Crud / Other is not the mark of the devil.

The COVID-19 vaccines do not a contain a microchip.

COVID-19 is not a control conspiracy. By anyone. Nobody gives a shit about what aisle of Walmart you are in. And if they did care, they would track your phone, which you never leave home without, and/or use the millions of traffic cameras set up around the world, or track your computer-chipped vehicle. But really … nobody cares what Waffle House booth your farts are penetrating. No. One. Cares. Also, satellites. Paranoid much?

COVID-19 is not a hoax.

COVID-19 is not like the seasonal flu.

COVID-19 is not similar to the common cold.

Wearing masks in public does not mean you are ugly. Or a sex slave.

The COVID-19 vaccines are not experimental. They are the product of two decades of rigorous, scientific study, attacking novel coronaviruses.

COVID-19 mask requirements / recommendations / mandates do not restrict your personal freedumbs any more than requiring you to wear clothes in public do.

COVID-19 did not make us think you are really fucking stupid. We already knew that about most of you. Some of you surprised us. But COVID-19 proved it to more people.

COVID-19 is not an assault on religion or religious expression. It’s just a really dangerous virus.

COVID-19 is not a political movement.

COVID-19 is not a sequel to COVID-18. It’s the sequel to “Cats.”

COVID-19 is not an easy death. Google “intubation.” It’s a horrible, agonizing dilemma that more often than not (with COVID-19) foretells imminent death. You don’t get to say goodbye. You live in a state of insane coma-like madness until death takes you. Struggling for breath. Hours, days, weeks, maybe. It’s hell on earth.

COVID-19 by natural immunity is not a risk worth taking, for you or for those that you will unwittingly pass it on to.

Long COVID-19 is not something you can predict.

Death from a COVID-19 infection is not something you can predict. It has killed all kinds: Young, old, sickly, healthy, rigorous athletes … every kind of human. And animals, too.

COVID-19 is not just a regular part of what our healthcare providers signed up for.

COVID-19 is not fair to teachers either.

COVID-19 does not just go away like a miracle after you’ve gotten it. Or after it warms up. Or after you get tired of dealing with it.

COVID-19 preventions and therapeutic medicines are not miracles. They are products of science.

COVID-19 is not a comeuppance for those living impure, areligious lives.

COVID-19 is not God’s judgement upon the wicked. Hockey is.

COVID-19 is not something you can just leave to others to fix.

Getting a COVID-19 vaccination does not make you any less of a conservative.

Getting a COVID-19 vaccination does not mean you are a sheeple. Listening to anyone cooking up conspiracy theories about the life-preserving vaccination makes you a sheeple.

Getting a COVID-19 vaccination does not make you a centrist establishment liberal. You can still protect yourself and others by getting vaccinated and practicing COVID-safe protocols and still be a leftist agitator, right-wing pundit or twice-impeached, one-term, criminally inclined former president.

It is intellectually indefensible to be worried about side effects of a COVID-19 vaccination, but not equally or more worried about the direct effects and side effects of contracting a COVID-19 infection.

COVID-19 has not made flying suck any less. But there are some good stories that come out of it, occasionally.

Getting COVID does not make it OK to write, “Your an idiot.” That is never OK. It’s “You’re.” Even fully vaccinated and boosted people are not allowed to write “Your an idiot.”