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Dear Capt. America, you are not allowed to die


Dear Cap,

First of all, I want to apologise to any of your fans for the spoiler, although, given that I don’t actually know what’s going to happen in the next movie, I now retract the apology. All I know is there are a lot of superheroes dying lately (even disregarding the mass disintegrations going on in the Marvel universe) and there are a lot of rumours flying around about your next movie.

First Han Solo karked it (I should have known there would only be one reason Harrison Ford would go back to the franchise and it wouldn’t be sentiment. I am only surprised he didn’t go back to Blade Runner for the same reason, although what they did with Rachael was pretty hideous — and now I do apologise for the spoilers). The moment Han Solo walked into the same room as his deranged son, I, like the repressed person I am, interrupted the moment for everyone in the cinema by yelling a protracted NOOOOOOOOO! Luke Skywalker style. I had been so full of “new hope” that finally they would get the Star Wars reboot right, that I hadn’t even considered the possibility of our favourite characters being bumped off.

Next was Wolverine. But, no. Actually, that didn’t happen. You know why? Because I refused to watch it. That’s why. I am employing the “if I cover my eyes, you’re not there” theory. (I have a friend who refused to watch the last Harry Potter so that the series wouldn’t end. Sounds good to me.)

I have to say I wasn’t as fussed when Luke Skywalker died. In fact, I was a bit confused because I thought he had already died when he collapsed after creating the vision to fool his wayward nephew. But then he died again and by that time I had gone from not caring to really not caring.

And Princess Leia’s death will be … um ... awkward ...?

Oh and the other Steve from Wonder Woman — he didn’t have super powers but he was a super hero, nonetheless.

You see what I mean about all the deaths lately? What is up with that? And I’m not talking about half the world fake-dying when a freak snaps his fingers in a manner which obviously signals they will be coming back as soon as we clap our hands and swear we really, really believe in heroes.

I have to ask: is death en vogue at the moment? In the same way Hello Barbie was in vogue two years ago?

Iron Man. Now, he can die. I’m totally fine with that.

But you, Capt. America? Absolutely. Not. Ok. For you to die. To the extent that I am not going to watch the next Avengers movie until I hear the verdict from someone else. And then, if the worst eventuates, I will simply call the messenger a dirty liar and never talk to them again. I mean, the actor can leave, I suppose, even though he’s great in the role. I can understand that it’s a big commitment and physically grueling; I get that. But why kill off the character? You are the most well-developed character in Marvel, in my book.

You start off the absolute opposite of a superhero, small and victimised but with strong morals and a repeatedly proven willingness to sacrifice your life for others, “the little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight.” You’ve got great taste in women but shit moves — surely we can give you the chance to redeem yourself? (but perhaps not with Agent Carter’s younger relatives: ever so slightly incestuous.)

And you are one of the most tragic characters, also — Steve Rogers needs to have a little fun in his life at the moment, not to be put down.

Are we going to say that continual sacrifice and doing the right thing in the hardest circumstances leads to yet more sacrifice, misery, then death? What does that teach our children? (oh, won’t somebody think of the children??)

I’m guessing that all the ashen fallen will come back via some tricksy hobbit ploy initiated by Dr Strange before he died weirdly but the pay off is that some of our biggest heroes will have to be sacrificed. Or maybe just one.

All I’m saying is: it better not be you. Or, if it is, couldn’t they just do a Dr. Who and have your character come back as someone who looks different because you got reanimated with alien technology or something?

So, here it is: I’ve given you several different options for plot development. Just, whatever you do, don’t die. After all, it would be very unpatriotic.

Image from Pixabay

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