Dear user, we have important updates about our updated privacy policy

Please read our email to know more about them

Dear user,

We wanted to keep you informed that we’ve updated our privacy policy. While we believe that our new policy should be easy for you to understand, we rest the decision on your reading and comprehensive abilities, and verbal reasoning. If you are not sure of these abilities of yours, please feel free to take a verbal reasoning test and find out your score before going through our new privacy policy. You can use our Kimazool app for this test.

We will also publish simpler FAQs for those readers who score pathetically on this test. While we would have loved to use the term “modestly” instead of “pathetically,” our historical data shows people love constructive feedback when we use scathing words. We expect the same love from you.

We’ve been considering reviewing our policy since 2001 even before the company started, and finally in 2017, we’ve reviewed them.

Some of the key changes to our Privacy Policy are as follows:

  1. We’ve read and re-read our Privacy Policy, and taken special note of the private parts.
  2. We’ve reviewed the policy to check its readability. We are thoughtful of our users. Therefore, we keep the readability to the level of a sixth grader because we know a lot of our users scored terribly at the Kimazool test.
  3. We have reassessed our policy in light of different situations. Especially sunlight.
  4. We have collated all subsections of our policy into one single policy. This means now you will need at least twenty five lawyers to look for loopholes within our policies in case of any conflicts. Note that your lawyers also need to have a reading speed of at least 200 wpm with 60% accuracy. If they don’t, you will need at least thirty five of them.
  5. Next, we’ve redrafted the policy.
  6. Since our copy editors had sore eyes looking at the drafts, we had the finance team take a fresh look at the new policy. Not only did this improve camaraderie among the teams, we also knew there was a finance team in the company. Sadly enough, the one man team has quit after reading the policy. We are looking for a new finance member. Send us your resumes if you think you are a fit. Actually, don’t bother!
  7. We would love to tell you that we used Grammarly for spelling and grammar errors in our new policy. We’ve deliberately chosen to ignore the plagiarism flags. Grammarly does not really understand our business and business needs.
  8. Our policy has been revised to accommodate all kinds of readers-top executives, bureaucratic people, school drop outs, college drop outs, and some eminent politicians.
  9. We have removed any and all parts of our product and services information from the policy. All product descriptions that helped you understand us better have also been removed. This is to ensure that you do not have any idea of how we use our data.
  10. Finally, we have been collecting data about you before you were born. We are happy to say that we know more about you than what you know about yourself. There is no way you can control what information we gather and how we use them.

This new policy is already in effect without your knowledge. The industry may encourage you to review policies, however, we feel that is not important. You may use that time elsewhere watching cat videos.

Sincerely,
The Kimazool Team

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