I think I speak for all of us in the lad-mag racket when I say that 2018 was some bullshit, what with the #metoo movement, the so-called Year of the Woman (wanking motion) and the emergence of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who is admittedly hot until she starts speaking.
Well, enough is enough.
In 2019, we want to see straight while males back in the mix, thus the reason for this Special Report: How to survive as a straight white male in America. We’ve combed the universe and beyond to bring you the best insights in politics, sports, entertainment, food, grooming, style, fitness and dames. In our Hot Button feature Blackface Forever, our skin correspondent explains how to wear it without losing your job (or clogging your pores).
Mansplaining, PhD, looks at the lonely, misunderstood existence of men who have to explain everything. In Brett Kavanaugh, Living Saint, we assess the early campaign to canonize the newest Supreme Court justice (with a sidebar on who’s been catching his eye up on the Hill). In this month’s installment of Traitor to his gender, we analyze the current use of former good dude Joe Scarborough.
Inside CTE: The brain injury for pussies explores why some NFL players get concussions while others don’t. Where are they now: Richard Nixon looks at the demographics of the cemetery where the great man is buried. Most people assume it’s just him and his wife, Pat; but we ask, “What if it’s not and what to do about it?”
In this month’s Eyes on Race, we posit, “If you tan really well, are you really white?”
Man of the Woods spends a day in the life of avowed conservative and formerly employable actor James Woods, who hates that people confuse him with renowned literary critic James Wood of The New Yorker (“The man loves Buddenbrooks for fuck’s sake!”)
In this month’s On Location Detroit, we were embedded in the Motor City and offered a first-hand look at how one white man survived Black History Month. In our Fashion Corner, we have tips for How to rock a man-bun and not be pegged for a gay. In Gadgets, we review the latest gear for Stalking your ex without getting caught. In this month’s installment of Shoot, Stuff, Mount, First Son and celebrated trophy hunter, Donald Trump Jr., interviews his on-call taxidermist.
And in our most popular feature, Fuck, Marry, Kill, this month’s contestants are Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Ann Coulter and Olivia Culpo. Personally, I know where I’d slot that threesome. But there’s a lot I didn’t know before I started editing this special issue. Remember, it’s survival of the fittest, and the fittest men (and hottest women) subscribe to Men Mad magazine.