FOX News issues order for all female employees — now forced to wear fake beards, mustaches, as new dress code

Some choose “goatee” in order to pretend to be own evil twin

Charles Payne proudly displays new FOX Business Network “arrow” graphic, which shows when his penis is erect

Charles “Stan” D. Payne, of FOX Business Network, now joins the cast of “FOX Sexual Harassment PTSD-THE MUSICAL!, (starring Bill O’Reilly as “Alf”).

So, as the latest member of FOX’s growing list of sexual predators, who inform many Americans, via verbal reports, and DNA samples, Charles “Imin” Payne, now joins O’Reilly, the late Roger Ailes, as well as Ailes’ WAY more likable, reanimated corpse; Zombie Roger Ailes, Jamie Horowitz, Francisco Cortes, and Sean Hannity, in FOX News’ time honored tradition, of keeping its female employees in a constant state of panic, and terrified anxiety, which FOX News’ board of directors believes “helps their female employees keep their weight down.”

I attempted to speak with a top executive at FOX News, Willie Stroker, but when I went to interview him, he was chasing various female news staff around his office, in fast motion, occasionally stopping to rapidly slap a very old man on his head, while “the Benny Hill theme song” played in a loop. The scene, was very, very disturbing to this reporter, so, I wasn’t able to get Willie Stroker’s comments.

FOX News, has had many similar public incidents come to light of late, which is really interfering with their recent campaign to harass various grieving parents, by attempting to convince them that Hillary Clinton killed their offspring.

I spoke with a woman, Robin Banks, whose son, Owen Banks was tragically killed earlier this year. She told me:

“Sean Hannity from FOX News, was calling every day insisting Hillary Clinton killed my son, even though my son was killed by a donkey who kicked him, and I was there, and witnessed the whole thing. When I told him this, Hannity insisted it was Hillary dressed in a donkey costume, but it just didn’t add up. She’s an older woman, and I know she couldn’t generate the kind of kicking power that killed my son. Then, Hannity said it was a conspiracy, and the donkey is the symbol of the Democrats, and they’re training them to kill people, the same way the Republicans train Elephants to kill Democrats.” (See related article: “Al Franken Narrowly Escapes Rampaging Elephant.”)

Robin Banks continued: “I also heard various women yelling in the background … things like ‘get off of me’, and ‘help’, and ‘I’ll distract him and you two run for the door’ … it seems like a very scary place to work.”

Many news watchers think FOX has turned a corner, when, in a recent interview with Donald Trump, the FOX reporter stated “I like your tie,” instead of “Oh my GOD I LOVE your tie!!! You’re just so amazing!” to Trump, a noticeable shift in tone, indicating a colder relationship than previously held with the Trump administration.

FOX News, had also been criticized for not mentioning the GOP health care bill, so they addressed this issue yesterday, in an exchange between anchors.

“How’s your health Bob, I really care about you. I also, care about you too Bill! Now, let’s all have a look at these pictures of different dogs who look like a young Robert Goulet!”

Now, to continue moving forward, FOX News has enacted a new dress code, to combat the legalities of being FOX News. Here’s the memo which was sent to all female employees of FOX News:

Attention, all female Fox News employees: Starting this week, all women working at Fox News will have to wear a fake mustache, beard, goatee, or some combination of the above, while in, or near, the Fox News offices, and buildings. Fox will provide the fake facial hair, and adhesive, at absolutely no cost. (These are the same types of facial hair prosthetics, seen in many of your favorite movies and TV shows!). For any female Fox News employees who are allergic to glue, you will be provided with a high quality, full-head latex mask of former president Ronald Reagan, that must be worn at all times. Thank you for complying with the new dress code, and for being a terrified part of the Fox family.

Signed, Walter Melon, acting CEO, FOX News.

So, do you think FOX’s radical plan to make FOX News less sexually predatory via the use of facial hair on women will work? Are YOU a bearded woman, who sees this as an exciting opportunity to get into the fast paced, semen coated world, that is Fox News Journalism? Let us know in the comments below!

Two Terrified Fox News employees, attempt facial hair until FOX provides facial hair prosthetics

Written By Steven W. Rouach

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