The Hit Job
Published in

The Hit Job

Hate? What hate? When you’re alt right, you’re right.

If only Donald Trump had some way to directly reach millions of people to stop the hate

Hate crimes, threats and harassment are on the increase as white, idiot America thumps its chest in the wake of the Electoral College’s election of Donald Trump as President of the United States.

Donald Trump says he hadn’t heard that.

Well, maybe. He might have heard of “one or two incidences.” I guess he is keeping his finger on the pulse of America after all.

Maybe I can help. There’s this thing called “Twitter.” I wonder if you’ve heard of it, Mr. President-Elect? It turns out that you have a lot of followers! On Twitter! Did you know that? Let’s check in with what they’re saying about you. Maybe, one day, you might want to say something to them to, you know, get them going in the right direction. #MAGA, and all.

This, from whatever a MicroTurkeyLeaks is. Or was:

“After #PresidentTrumps1stTantrum, he’ll inter all Liberals, minorities, and women into FEMA camps, I’ve never been more excited”

I feel sorry for this guy. This gets him excited? He should try having consensual sex with a woman sometime. Or a man. I’m not judging. Whatever works for him. Even Trump would have to say this is sad. Really sad. I am impressed that he used the word “inter” correctly in a sentence. Kinda.

Unfortunately, this Trump University scholar got his account suspended for his tweet. It’s a shame, really, that we won’t have him to enlighten us anymore. There’s always Reddit, though. Where he has a home. I’m sure he’s wetting himself on the Alt Right subreddits right now. Say hi to him for the rest of us not banned from Twitter. He’ll be back. They always come back.

And “Pocahontas”? Really? You want to lead with that?

My #FOMO moment for the day: I missed “EVIL Globalist” as a career path on career day at my college. (Wasn’t accepted to Trump University.)

No Jordan MAGA3X, you don’t sound racist or paranoid at all.

BOOM! I Know Steve Bannon-He’s Not a Racist Crackpot Like Rev. Wright or a Terrorist Bomber Like Bill Ayers #MAGA

This over-educated guiding light has run out of fresh ammunition. Dr. Trashtalk from Clown College is feeling the need to slap around … Rev. Wright and Bill Ayers. Were they even mentioned in our overcooked presidential campaign of the year of our Lord, #Trump2016? Are they in any way relevant to the election results or the way forward? Doesn’t matter to Dr. T. She’s got some scores to settle.

Now that this genius has weighed in, I feel a lot better. Bannon sounds like a great guy. Really terrific.

This just in: The Alt Right & Breitbartists are closing ranks. Thanks, Lou Dobbs for keeping the pedal to the metal. You are a credit to your kind.

Your daily activism moment: Pepsi must be condemned. Yes! This mega global monolith must be made to pay for proffering poisonous, sugary, salty, empty-calorie junk food upon millions for generations. Go get ’em, Trumpsters!

Oh, wait. That’s not the reason? It’s because they didn’t support DJT? Oh. Well, anyway, good luck with that. Your reason seems like a great way to #MAGA. Let the healing begin!

When you’re right, you’re right (I’m copyrighting that right now. To be the #TrumpReelection campaign slogan). And Sandra ‘Merica is right. Trump is still going to be president.

Ha! Take that, liberal whiners. By the way, has this ever happened before in modern U.S. history? Is that important? Does it tell us anything? Asking for a friend.

Trump’s biggest fan

Just had a very open and successful presidential election. Now professional protesters, incited by the media, are protesting. Very unfair!

This particular fella seems to be a yuge fan of the president-elect. Just tremendous. It’s a real underdog story. He’s fighting against injustices suffered by the incoming president. That’s big of him to make that his top priority.

For those sad, really sad, liberals lamenting the Trump victory, just be glad it wasn’t worse. Because it really, totally, could have been. Believe me.

If the election were based on total popular vote I would have campaigned in N.Y. Florida and California and won even bigger and more easily.

Of course you would have. When you’re alt right, you’re right, after all. It’s 2016 in Trump’s America.



Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store