Hello, I’ll be your Facebook chain mail message for today

Well, hello there. You’ve opened Facebook, so ha! We’ve got you.

Welcome on board the Facebook chain message emotional manipulation scam, where we make people feel like they have no souls and will be cursed for eternity if they don’t do EXACTLY WHAT WE SAY. RIGHT NOW. We’re so glad to have you with us today and we’re sure our interaction with you is going to be a very rewarding one (for us).

If you look to your right, you’ll see that all of your friends can see you are online so you are now OBLIGED to look at and respond to everything. And because of the wording in our particular post, you are now going to feel like the course of the rest of your life is totally dependant on your response to this one message.

First, there is the feeling of dread. Then, a tingle of fear. Your eyes flick to the left to see who sent the chain message so that you can start to feel a bit of defensive anger and turn your fear outwards.

But, at the end of the day, you’re still trapped. Let’s face it — we have you by the short and curlies.

You have to do something. First, you have to pay us real attention and read the message very carefully so that you understand exactly what and how much is in jeopardy — it might be helpful to think of it as a ransom note:

I hope you’ve had a pleasant chain mail experience with us today and we look forward to annoying and intimidating you again in the very near future.

Bye now :D ❤

P.S. Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to direct your attention to the fact that while you’ve anxiously reading and re-reading this chain mail and deliberating over how much you actually care about the state of your soul based on one random message, we’ve been hacking into your computer, sending porn to all your friends and family (yes, even your great auntie Alice), clearing out your savings account and reading your most private documents.

Image from Pixabay