How to make the best use of your time during an online meeting

My tips on how to use that one hour of your online meeting time from home. Humor guaranteed.

You have an online meeting at 7 PM with people who think they are as smart as you are. You decide to take the meeting from home. Follow these tips in sequence to make the best use of your time. You will not be disheartened.

1. Yawn noisily
Always always always mute yourself so you can yawn noisily with your mouth wide open. Don’t forget to chew on some air when you are done with the yawn. Stretch and look around for things to do.

2. Get on Twitter
Scroll through Twitter mindlessly. When you become a scrolling zombie, hit the ‘Notifications’ bell and go through all your notifications. Believe me when I say this, each time I go through my Twitter notifications, I get answers to my existential crisis.

If you have questions about your own purpose in life and are feeling extremely nihilistic primarily because The New Yorker is telling you that you’ve hit the wall for complimentary articles and now you need to pay them a dollar a week, you must scroll through Twitter.

Next, try tricking The New Yorker to read that story you wanted to. Click on the tweet from The New Yorker, and IMMEDIATELY scroll down to read a little more of the story before that annoying yellow pop-up realizes it’s the same you and shows up. Once it asks for money, close the browser. Go back to Twitter and repeat the process. Remember to scroll down before the system gets to you. Bingo! You’ve just read the story. *This works only if you are a fast-reader*

Congratulations, your questions about Life, Universe, and Everything have just been answered.

3. Check out photos of Ryan Gosling
Check out photos of Ryan Gosling and wonder how a human being can have such a perfect pair of nostrils! Just don’t look too hard. You may be grossly disappointed.

4. Ask a question in the meeting
Just to let the participants in the meeting know that you are still there, get back to the meeting, unmute yourself and interrupt. Definitely interrupt the speaker and ask: ‘Does this really suit our business needs?’ 
Get back to Facebook.

5. Go check the fridge
Go check the fridge every 10 minutes to see if there’s anything new in there. An egg could have hatched. 
Miracles do happen! You have happened.

6. Clean up your room
Cleaning your room doesn’t really have to be a tough task. It essentially involves taking things from one corner and putting them in another, and feeling gratified that the first corner looks clean.

7. Practice self-care 
You’ve worked way way too long and too hard. After having your purpose in life sorted out and your room cleaned, it only makes sense to indulge in some self-love. They call it ‘Self-Care’. Pour yourself a whiskey. On the rocks. 
Life can be rocky, but you can always drink through it.

8. Check if the meeting is over
If it is about to get over, say a humble ‘bye.’ Make sure it is not an over-enthusiastic one. 
If not, ask another question: ‘How can you be sure that this is scalable?’
Get on to Netflix.

If you’ve liked these extremely great use of your time tips, give me some claps. Don’t stop until you can’t clap anymore!

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