Is your bathroom Super Bowl ready?

Cuz you really have to ask yourself

DO NOT FORGET TO —

  • empty medicine cabinet
  • remind guests BYOHT (bring your own hand towel)
  • purchase plenty of alcohol (the disinfecting kind)
  • use the thickest tarp you can find at Home Depot to quarantine bathtub
  • remove all reading materials including packaged soap, shampoo bottles
  • keep stopwatch / airhorn handy to alert pottylollygaggers
  • remove cutesy tinkle, sprinkle bathroom signage which may be perceived as invitation to a challenge
  • enforce zero tolerance on smartphone use during bio-breaks (collect devices at bathroom door if necessary); if ring/notification tones are overhead, violating occupant must leave
  • anyone leaving toilet seat in up position must leave
  • anyone taking snacks into bathroom must leave
  • who the hell had the idea for a Super Bowl party
  • not me
  • screw it
  • let’s go shopping instead; we’ll have the stores to ourselves
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