Justin Theroux has been a prolific actor for almost twenty years. Theroux gained popularity at a reasonable pace, showing off his shirtless body plenty while doing many actor things like telling a joke, threatening a woman, charming a woman, or singing karaoke. At the very least, you know him as the man who Jennifer Aniston owns and calls her husband. Justin Theroux is a man we all recognize. Why? Because Mr. Theroux hasn’t changed his widow’s peak hairstyle in over twenty years. When you think about it, it’s the perfect way to be famous; never change your hair.
Let’s start from the tip of his widow’s peak and journey down his career, shall we?
According to his IMDB, Justin Theroux’s first acting role was from a TV series called CPW. No footage of that show exists anywhere in the world so the next credit he has is I Shot Andy Warhol and that’s another piece of art that is just lost in the ether. So, as I’m sure Mr. Theroux would enjoy, let’s start this hair trip down memory lane with a truly great movie, Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion.
Like a genius, he shields his hair with a cowboy hat so we don’t recognize him from his head of hair. Justin Theroux didn’t want to gamble on his hair being a leading part of his career, so he put on a hat. A cowboy hat (this style comes into play multiple times in Theroux’s career, but that’s neither here nor there but it’s definitely in my conscious brain). Notice the sideburns, though. Notice the color. Notice that it’s Justin Theroux.
This is from a truly masterful film called Below Utopia which stars Oscar-winner Alyssa Milano and seven time Golden Globe winner Ice-T. Theroux plays Milano’s boyfriend and they go to some house in a town called Utopia and they fuck but before anyone can grab a tissue Ice-T storms in with a gun and…I don’t want to spoil this riveting film. Look at this hair, though! Notice the hair! Fun Fact: Alyssa Milano was an executive producer of the film.
Before you think “Wait, that’s not Justin Theroux. That’s a BSB (Backstreet Boy)!” you’re actually wrong. That is Justin Theroux, just with blonde dye and a sweaty face in the world-renown movie Frogs For Snakes. It’s a story about a man, presumably played by Justin Theroux, selling frogs for snakes. He was so good in this movie that he showed up next in…
That’s right, Dead Broke. The crime drama that puts life expectancy next to financial status. Mr. Theroux is blonde in this movie too, possibly to throw off the fact that his hair length and hair line hasn’t changed in two years! Watch the trailer for this one on YouTube. Then get ready to throw down 8.99 on Amazon to buy it because wow, it’s so good.
Our boy starred in his second TV series that was so great that it was canceled. Here he returns back to black and, as you can see, his widow’s peak still exists. Do you love the quality of this picture? I definitely do not.
The first way to get famous? Never change your hair. The second way? Be a guest star for a hit courtroom comedy-drama that every woman above 40 watched. Justin Theroux hung out on Ally McBeal for two episodes and then went off to…
Here he is again, sporting the widow’s peak. Spin City was a cool show to watch with your parents. Justin Theroux probably knew this and Ally McBeal would cross over because his hair still hasn’t changed.
Honestly, this is the movie. I mean, the fucking movie. Mulholland Drive utilizes Theroux’s hair and his actual talents and is most likely the reason why he’s still working today. Plus, he looks a little bit like J.J. Abrams, don’t you think? Maybe that’s how he ended up on Alias a few years later. Oh and let’s not forget that there’s a cowboy in this movie, like the cowboy hat of his first real movie (scroll up to see it again just in case you forgot.)
This is where Justin Theroux’s career gets tricky. See, once upon a time there was a magnificent little show called Sex and The City and Justin Theroux was in it twice as two different characters. First, pictured above, he has longer hair and a doobie in one ear. This is Prime Theroux. This is who he really is behind the curtain with Jen Aniston.
The second time he appeared on Sex and The City, he was one of Carrie Bradshaw’s boyfriends. He wore glasses, was a freelance writer, and couldn’t contain his orgasm whenever Carrie would decide to make out with him. This is Inferior Theroux and likely who he was before he decided to keep a good haircut for over twenty years. I hope you’re paying attention because Theroux’s hair is shorter here but remains in the same style.
Sirens is a TV movie Theroux filmed in the ripe year of 1999. As you can see, his hair is still here and still the same. Crazy! According to the YouTube video I grabbed this screencap from, it’s “a riveting” movie. I highly doubt it!
I don’t know if you can tell, but Justin Theroux hasn’t changed his hair still in 2000’s cult hit American Psycho. All he did was slick it back and grab a big phone to fool you.
In between here is some movie called Sleepy Time Gal and Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy. Both sound really good and explains why I can’t find anything about them on the internet. However, there is one classic movie that Theroux was a part of after American Psycho and that is Zoolander…AKA the movie he met Ben Stiller on (this is important, please take notes).
Oh, you don’t recognize Mr. Theroux here? GOOD. He’s wearing a wig. He didn’t want you to recognize him! His career depends on his consistent hair style.
As a cop with sideburns, Justin Theroux sports his classic hair-do again in the canceled television series The District. Yeah, I bet it was really good too.
Don’t let that mohawk trick you! Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle Justin Theroux just took his long hair and made it into a spike! He also took off his shirt, did you notice? Drew Barrymore was in this movie. Continue taking notes.
Oh what a classic! Duplex, starring Ben Stiller from Zoolander and Drew Barrymore from Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle With Justin Theroux’s Shirt Off. That turtle neck he’s wearing is intense but it doesn’t distract that his hair is exactly the same always.
Justin Theroux attempts to hide his hairstyle in a glossy, dimly lit, mediocre music video by mediocre rock band Muse. But he can’t. It’s taken control of him at this point.
Dressing up as J.J. Abrams in Mulholland Drive paid off because here he is in Alias, the highly successful show by J.J. Abrams that really started this whole reboot craze. Justin Theroux decided to put his hair down like a member of Fall Out Boy in an effort to have a different style. It didn’t work.
Also, before I forget, have you watched Alias? Why not? It stars Jennifer Garner and Victor Garber! Bradley Coopster is in there too! Why haven’t you checked out Felicity, either? You know, for all the popularity of female-driven stories these past few years, I’ve seen no one appreciate Alias or Felicity or, fuck it, Mary Tyler Moore. Get Hulu and get into it. Moving on…
This is when Justin Theroux spreads his legs and dives off his widow’s penis. Look at that bulge. Mr. Theroux guest starred in eight episodes of the HBO drama Six Feet Under. Look at that bulge all you want but don’t let it distract you from the fact that it’s been ten years since the start of his career and we haven’t seen his hair style change at all.
In 2005, Justin Theroux filmed a movie called Strangers With Candy starring Amy Sedaris (who is bffs with his now-wife then not-wife Jennifer Aniston). Strangers With Candy is apparently such a horrible little movie that it’s not available for streaming, looks pretty awful, and stars Stephen Colbert when he didn’t know what to do with his career post-Daily Show. So here’s a picture of the premiere of that horrid film. But Justin is wearing a hat! Why is he wearing a hat, you ask? To not reveal the facade of his treasured and career-defining hairstyle.
Mr. Theroux is wearing a hat. Again. At a premiere. The Baxster is the first movie Theroux did with director David Wain. Look how fucking #faded he is.
Justin Theroux, pictured on the right, still has the same haircut even when he’s next to beautiful goddess woman Julie Delpy in The Legend of Lucy Keyes, a proper sequel to City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold.
Wow. Look at those sideburns. This is Miami Vice so he gets a pass but still. It’s almost as if Justin Theroux had been working toward this role his entire career.
JT worked with Mulholland Drive director David Lynch again for Inland Empire. Reportedly, on the set of Mulholland Drive, Lynch said to Theroux “That haircut you like is going to come back in style.” He was right. Inland Empire is actually an excellent movie but three hours long so strap in and buy some pizzas.
Whoa! Do you see that? Ol’ Justin Theroux shaved his head (but kept that middle part going, maybe? Or is that a wig? We’ll never know). He most likely got rid of his widow’s peak because the movie stars indie icon and general great person Parker Posey. There isn’t much you can do to impress Parker Posey, so you might as well shave your head. This is the only time in recorded history that Theroux made a drastic change to his hair for a role.
Good thing he shaved his head for Broken English because Justin Theroux had to play Jesus Christ in David Wain’s The Ten. That is for sure a wig.
JT played ol’ Johnny Hancock in HBO’s John Adams. That is for sure a wig too. 2007 through 2008 must have been rough for Mr. Theroux! He had so many roles that made him take away his signature hair style. Gladly, he recovered. Or did he?
Oh God! No! He did not recover!
Audiences might remember seeing Justin Theroux for the first time as Leslie Knope’s boyfriend on Parks and Recreation. Theroux was funny, memorable, and an alright dude for Knope but good God that widow’s peak looks worn down when it’s been buzzed. What happened, Justin? What the fuck happened?
Mr. Theroux hid his haircut so well by voicing an animated blue guy in Megamind.
This was a movie that should be forgotten about but here is ol’ Justy T wearing a wig yet again.
Yet another wig in Wanderlust. But! This is the movie where he met queen Jennifer Aniston so hey, that wig paid off somehow (in marriage). Consider watching this one soon because it’s pretty funny.
Let’s blame Ben Stiller for all the awful wigs that Justin Theroux has had to wear in most of his film roles.
Barely a good movie but at least Justin Theroux is without a wig here. Finally, audiences can appreciate his widow’s peak once more on the silver screen. Nice coat.
Finally. Here we are in the present. Or is it still 1997? Justin Theroux’s hair has yet to change. Watch The Leftovers for more of Justin Theroux’s ongoing hair. It’s only two seasons, twenty episodes, and you’re in for a good cry of existential dread. The final season airs in April this year on HBO.