MAGA hats save Houston
The president’s bold response to Hurricane Harvey
On Friday night, I cracked wise on the Twitter.
Then, a Twitter user named Brian Johnson sent me the greatest photo. It’s the best. Truly tremendous.
How perfect is that? Seriously. The captions practically leap off the page.
- President risks wet tie delivering aid to hurricane victim.
- Rescue worker: “it’s times like these I know why I signed up.”
- Hands too small to reach, Trump employs extension.
- Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night can keep the huckster from hawking merch.
- In the event of a water landing, your hat can be used as a flotation device.
- Metaphor meets simile.
- Striving Texan loses grip on fence.
(Any to add? Fire away in the comments)
Some naysayers poo-pooed our fearlish leader’s efforts.
But you know what none of those hug-saster victims have? Hats.
What will happen when the sun finally comes out and they want to protect their eyes? How will others know their stance on again America great making? And what might Trump do if a hurricane consistently beats him in the ratings?
Thankfully, we’ll never have to find out.
Bless you, Mr. President. And when you place that next order to China for more MAGA swag, maybe get them to emblazon your logo on an inflatable raft? Just look at that boat you’re on. Wasting some serious real estate. Missed branding opportunity. Step it up.
UPDATE: Turns out that awesome picture is fake. Not exactly shocking. Here’s the real one:
The best part? The fake photo was created by a Trump supporter. As if passing a hat to a stranded hurricane victim made the president look heroic. Or something.
Despite this new information, I stand by everything I wrote. Every word.