Ms. Murray of Nassau seeks LTR

Let’s ride

Is she beautiful? Yes. Inside and out. Does she go all the way? Yes. All the way to church and the farmer’s market on Saturdays.

Like all of us of a certain age, she has a few blemishes. Who doesn’t? Her epidermis is not what it used to be. Has she had some work done? She’s not ashamed to admit that she has. Her beauty, while vast, can best be described as of the 15-foot variety. She is much like a fine wine in that she is aged, mostly red and not my style.

She is alive with personality. If I were to describe her personality in one word it would be “straight.” Very straight. But she is open to all types of personalities, so long as they are respectful. It must be said that she has a history. She used to be close with June Stafford of Myrtle Point, Oregon, but they are no longer on speaking terms. She knows what she did.

Also, she lies. She prevaricates. At one point in her early life, Ms. Murray had three gears on her rear end: prim, proper and “Was that your daughter I saw in a halter top at Walmart last Friday?” Now, she has one speed only: “We missed you at bible study.” But she still brazenly displays a three-gear shifter. She will not volunteer why. I do not pry as a lady deserves her dignity.

You want to go wild in the streets? This is not your gal. You want to trundle down a sidewalk or well-paved road on the way to your grandma’s house? You are a match for Ms. Murray.

No means no with Ms. Murray. When she says “stop,” you stop. Her stopping power may not be equal to those of a younger generation, but then you aren’t trying to be a fast-moving floozy, are you young lady? Remember: Decorum.

Is her seat as smooth and taut as it once was? No. But then, is yours?

Ms. Murray is eager to mingle and enjoy what time we have left in our all-too-short lives. She is pumped up, clean and lubricated. Do what you will with that information, but do not tell her I told you. She hopes you are an eager riding companion, as long as you’re not too fresh. She is available to meet by appointment only. This is no bordello. $45.