The Hit Job
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The Hit Job

Sean Spicer and Marc Kasowitz form Hall & Oates tribute band ‘No Can Do!’

Rediscovering their love of music after leaving Trump

Not a dry eye in the house as Spicer & Kasowitz perform 47-minute extended version of “She’s Gone”

Sean Spicer has now taken his dulcet tones, natural rhythm, and perfectly chiseled swimmer’s body, out of Trump’s administration, and into the EXCITING, white-knuckle thrill ride, that is; the tribute-band minor circuit.

Spicer joins Marc “Man-eater” Kasowitz in teaming up to form a highly anticipated musical homage to ’80s singing sensations Hall & Oates, called: “Sean & Mark’s No Can Do! — The Hall & Oates Experience!

James Comey was recently quoted as saying “Lordy, I hope there are still tickets available for Spicer and Kaskowitz’s Hall & Oates show!”

Spicer and Kaskowitz have already released their own take on a classic Hall & Oates hit “Sarah Huckabee Smiles,” making it truly their own. (The video for which has almost three views so far on YouTube, and counting!).

I caught up with Sean Spicer, due to his short, stubby, legs not really being a conduit to great walking speeds, so I interviewed him.

Me: Mr Spicer, thank you for this interview, and may I say; that is an AMAZING Oates-styled mustache! Is that even real?

Spicer: Thank you and absolutely. I’ve been sleeping with a layer of monoxodyl on my upper lip, just in preparation for when i leave the White House. It only took me six hours to grow this and it’s already as thick as Devin Nunes’ giant Fred Flinstone-like head!”

Spicer: Proud of his John Oates inspired mustache.

Me: So what made you resign from your job as White House Press Secretary?

Spicer: Seriously?

Me: Sure, why not?

Spicer: You’re serious … You actually want me to tell you why I left. Okay, let’s just say it was a combination of my love of music, and my hobby of not taking 1,243 muscle relaxants with a fifth of whiskey as a chaser while wearing a tightly wrapped, air-tight, plastic bag over my head.

Me: So you weren’t enjoying, nor feeling fulfilled or satisfied by your work?

Spicer: I can’t tell if you’re messing with me.

Me: It’s always just safer to assume that I am, in such situations …

Spicer: So, assume I wasn’t as euphoric as most people who are in the midst of writing a suicide note. And also, there was the music. Once Michael Flynn and Andy Puzder’s Rush tribute band with Scott Baio on vocals broke up, due to Flynn’s plans to tour the federal prison system as a solo act, Scott Baio landing the lead role in a poignant, yet thought-provoking bukkake video*, and all of Puzder’s legal troubles due to his habit of punching any woman standing within his arms reach … there was a real opening in the former-Trump-staff-based-tribute-band market.

(* Cannes film festival winner: “Bukkake On Baio”, Release date TBD)

“Pri-i-i-vate eyes ... been watching you …” (Kasowitz, brings down house with soulful version of “Private Eyes”)

I then took the initiative to contact the “Hall” to Spicer’s “Oates,” the dulcet- toned Marc Kasowitz. Here’s a transcript of our email exchange.

From SWR: (Me)

Hi Marc! Super excited about your new music endeavors with Sean! Wondering if you’d like to say something for the — No Can Do! Official Fanzine/Newsletter I started. Big thanks! Steve R. (Journalist and president of the Brooklyn chapter of the Kasowitz-Spicer “No Can Do!” Fan-club, & Editor of the monthly “No Can Do!” Newsletter)

From Marc Kasowitz

“I’m on you now. You are f*****g with me now. Let’s see who you are. Watch your back, bitch.”

From SWR: Hi again Marc. I think you might have possibly gotten the wrong impression, judging from your (surprisingly hostile) note back. I’m a huge fan of your new band, ever since I thought of it a couple of minutes ago, and just wanted a friendly blurb from you, to your fans, for the “No Can Do!” newsletter. Very sorry for any misunderstanding and wishing you all the best, Steve. :)

From Marc Kasowitz.

Call me. Don’t be afraid, you piece of s**t. Stand up. If you don’t call, you’re just afraid.” “I already know where you live, I’m on you. You might as well call me. You will see me. I promise.”

From SWR:

Ummm … I obviously don’t know how to respond to you, in a way that doesn’t inspire complete lunacy and anger from you. I’m just going to write that you “wish your fans well” in my article. Hope that’s OK and very sorry to have inadvertently upset you. -Steve R.

From Marc Kasowitz.

I’m gonna hit you with a shovel, rip off your head and use it as a bucket, and then rip out your tongue, and use all of that to paint my boat. I’ll soon murder you and anyone who contacts me for anything, in any way, even if it’s something nice; like “happy birthday” from a friend or relative.

I might have an anger problem. I can’t be sure, so F**K YOU!! Also, please let my fans know: me and Spicer will be playing Larry’s Chicken Shack on Route 1 at 8 p.m. Wednesday. Tickets between the deep fryer and the commemorative plates have already sold out! So, grab your tickets now! I plan to threaten ALL our fans personally, from the stage, during the course of the show! Thanks and soon I will kill all of you, Marc.

PS - F**K YOU Again. Watch your back! Grrrrrrrr! That’s right I said GRRRRRR!!! -Marc Kasowitz

So, EXCITED about Former-Trump-Administration Tribute bands? Are YOU going to check out the upcoming and higly anticipated Jefferson Sessions and Rex Tillerson’s- Allman Brothers Experience? Let us know in the coments below and KEEP ON ROCKIN IN THE FREE WORLD (such as Canada)

Written By Steven W. Rouach

FUN FACT : Every time you hit the little “recommend” heart on the bottom of the page of one of my stories, an angel gets its wings, instead of plummeting to a horrifying death due to winglessness.

  • If You Follow Me, I Will Lead You Into Nonsense.
  • PS. Here’s my Facebook group — Join us!!! (“One of us, one of us. Gooble-gobble, gooble-gobble.”)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/punchedbyasnowflake/

c2017 SWRouach

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