Sorry (not sorry): Things I’m passing on
Society & communication are always changing. This curmudgeon is not.
Following your Twitter or Medium feed
Why? Because of your f*cking fake Twitter followers. You: wrote a Medium article I kinda liked. I clicked the heart button upon reading it. I clicked your profile. I clicked your Twitter button. I saw your grand total of 34 tweets. Said 34 tweets garnered you more than 3700 followers.
Uh, no. You don’t have 3700+ Twitter followers from a mere 34 tweets. You, fraudster, are not the world’s most efficient tweeter. If you can nab 109 new followers with every tweet, you are insane to be doing anything with your life other than tweeting all the f*cking time. You should be raking in the million$.
So I unclicked the heart on your story. And I’m passing on anything in the future with your name on it.
And we know. Everyone knows. You buy fake Twitter followers. Anyone can tell, and anyone can prove it.
Your pop-up ad
You wasted your money. Even if my eyes stay on the page. I am only watching the “You can skip this ad in …” button, and only if it takes a few seconds. If you intend to make me wait 30 seconds, I’m going to one of my other 12 open tabs until it is safe to return.
The female Ghostbusters outrage
How does four proven funny female comedians + star cameos + proven funny director + overly beloved classic comedy (not counting the already derided sequel) = 2016 internet outrage? I mean, sexism, obviously. But, your childhood wasn’t built atop the sands of a 1:45, four-star comedy from 1984. It also wasn’t summarily wrested from you by the production of a second follow-up film. You vacated your childhood when you stopped watching this.
Tried it. It was unfulfilling. Pass.
Changing my social media avatar with the overlay of [insert country here]’s flag
My heart breaks for the victims of atrocities. I won’t express my sadness and outrage with an opaque flag overlay for France, Bangladesh, Syria or other. Because my future self will have to someday make the decision to remove the flag, either because it’s been superseded by another nation’s ghastly atrocity, or because it is no longer timely.
I stand with you. I feel for you. I won’t commit my future self to make a gesture that will indicate that I no longer stand with you. I will take on the burden of expressing my feelings in other ways.
Also in The Hit Job:
Tinder fail. Match fail. IRL fail. See how you too can fail at dating me.medium.com