Submissions to The Hit Job

Not as ominous as it sounds

julian rogers
Mar 10, 2017 · 8 min read
I can’t tell ya what I’ve found

Who the hell do we think we are?

Excellent question. Let’s start there.

Who the hell do you think you are?

It’s a fair question, since we’re spilling our guts here. What’s your story? Actually, we don’t need to know. Just trying to keep you off balance. What we care about are the words you want to offer up.

Bad words are not a requirement. But they do sometimes sneak in to The Hit Job.

What do you get?

The satisfaction of a job well done. I know, that sucks, but we’re not big enough yet to pay big bucks.

Are there meetings?

No.

Are there rules?

Yes.

Will there be editing involved?

Yes. The Hit Job edits for style (see directly above), formatting to remain consistent with the publication’s look + feel, for web publishing best practices (keep the paragraphs short, wicked ones!) and for clarity (rare) and will fix typos.

Image is everything

I’ve heard that said before. It’s a sad truth for word-makers, but since we’re in the online world, 100 percent of your potential readers are going to see the image. Another 80 percent will read the headline and then only about five percent will read all of your words. So says David Ogilvy. Listen to him. (Never take my word for anything. My wife doesn’t. And she’s a much happier, well-adjusted person. On the surface.)

So who owns my work?

You do. I’m just tryna help. And reach a bigger audience for both of us. And get some things off my chest. And impress my wife (who never reads this far). And have some laughs. And be entertained by some talented and semi-talented, wicked, wicked writers.

Can I remove my work from The Hit Job?

Yes. But don’t. It’s not cool.

Can I submit stuff that’s already been published on Medium?

Yes, but we prefer drafts. Because we’re vainglorious, selfish and want to feel pretty. And also because we aim to publish at peak times and give you a social media bump as soon as it’s published. (Your article’s shininess fades quickly on Medium and other social media platforms, so if you’re going to go viral, you gotta get engagement quick.) We try to make that happen.

Is brain damage ever funny?

Of course not.

Do my pieces have to agree with your editorial point of view?

Nope. We publish stuff that’s got a strong take that I don’t hunnert percent agree with. Go for it. Just tag it with one of our topics.

Shouldn’t you have put up another classic British band from the ’70s by now in a lame and transparent attempt to seem cool?

Shut up.

Can I submit something that has already been published elsewhere?

You mean other than Medium? Is there such a place? Yes. For now. Someday, no. But we’re not that big yet. Someday, I’m tellin’ ya. Then they’ll be sorry.

Are you guys any good?

Well, one person thinks so. And Colette Clarke Torres knows from what she speaks. She is totally real. And if you try to say she isn’t, we’re going to fight.

How did you come up with the name, “The Hit Job,” anyway?

I can detect your condescension. It’s borderline harassment. Which means you might be a good writer for us.

I feel oppressed by the word, “submission” and all its forms. Is there another word we can use?

Nope.

OK, then. How do I submit?

Send an email to julian@jujuic.com.

What the hell is jujuic.com?

It’s the website for Juju Eye Communications. Keep that in mind. There will be a test.

How did you come up with the name “Juju Eye”?

The name was created to answer the question, “What rhymes with ‘moo moo pie’?” Also, my nieces nicknamed me Juju back when they could still remember who I was. Also, The Beatles.

How can I make your life better, easier and more enjoyable?

Can’t tell you how long I’ve waited for someone to ask me that question. You’re a peach. And because you’re a peach, you understand that clicking those recommend hand-clappy thingies on Medium are golden goodness. Please share your clicks liberally on the heart thingies for your fellow writers in The Hit Job. They will do the same for you. Some will, anyway. Others just don’t get it. Be someone who gets it.

You make me tingle.

I get that a lot. Put it into words in the comments below. And that wasn’t a question.

Is there anything else I should know?

Probably. But I’m tired. Go write something. These people did:

How could you leave out The Jam? Or The Clash?

I didn’t.

They don’t all have to be red.

The Hit Job

humor | culture | football | trouble

julian rogers

Written by

Maker of words and other annoyances. Communicator for hire. Unaffordable. Owner of Juju Eye Communications + publisher of The Hit Job. Twitter: (@thejujueye).

The Hit Job

humor | culture | football | trouble

julian rogers

Written by

Maker of words and other annoyances. Communicator for hire. Unaffordable. Owner of Juju Eye Communications + publisher of The Hit Job. Twitter: (@thejujueye).

The Hit Job

humor | culture | football | trouble

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