fashion humor

That sweater

Um, yeah. No.

julian rogers
Jan 15 · 2 min read
Image for post
Image for post

This sweater states you no longer care about anything.

This sweater looks like it was found in the wayback of a 1975 AMC Pacer. In Calcutta.

Cable knit? Cable not.

If vomit could be spun into thread, it would be this sweater.

This sweater fits like you are begging people to notice the 83 pounds you recently lost. Due to disease. And addiction.

If it’s a choice between having to look at a nude selfie of Donald Trump and a selfie of Donald Trump wearing this sweater, it’s a toss up.

If Trump wore this sweater, he would be impeached a third time.

I would drive over this sweater in my car. But I’m afraid for my tires.

This sweater goes perfectly with your outfit. If you are certain that you have had too much sex in your lifetime.

The Nazis lost World War II because they could not manufacture this sweater before the Allies did.

This sweater is so depressing, fire departments use it to put out dumpster fires.

Playing devil’s advocate, the devil pleads no contest.

Other colors are now going on strike due to this sweater.

Bridge trolls want to wear this sweater to enhance their self esteem.

This sweater was used by villains before poisoned fruit came along.

Instead of this sweater, normcore teens are choosing low-waisted jeans.

Macramé vests are sending this sweater gift baskets.

In R-rated movies, this sweater cannot appear more than twice. And only in shadow.

Victorian era street urchins opt to take their chances rather than wear this sweater.

Waffle House has banned this sweater. Cracker Barrel is on the fence.

The company that makes Crocs are designing knockoffs of this sweater.

Front porch rocking chair grandmas prefer to catch their death than wear this sweater.

Corporations are hiring former Trump administration employees instead of anyone wearing this sweater.

Some people on the internet think this sweater is blue.

NASCAR fans are bored by this sweater.

Chill people are, frankly, disappointed by this sweater.

Good Samaritans quicken their pace and pretend they don’t see people wearing this sweater.

If you were on fire and wearing this sweater, Donald Trump’s Russian hookers would not pee on you.

Burning beach diapers smell better than this sweater looks.

Carnival porta-potties insist this sweater be left outside. Outside is suing for actual and punitive damages.

Amazon almost refused to sell this sweater.

Serial killers leave people alone that wear this sweater.

Butterscotch & caramel now taste like ass since this sweater.

Confederacy flag-wavers won’t wear this sweater because they are afraid they will look like losers.

Parents do not approve of this sweater, but they are not angry about it. Just disappointed.

Anyone else have additional thoughts on this sweater?

julian rogers

Written by

Maker of words and other annoyances. Communicator & strategist for hire. Owner of Juju Eye Communications + publisher of The Hit Job. Twitter: (@thejujueye).

The Hit Job

humor | culture | football | trouble

julian rogers

Written by

Maker of words and other annoyances. Communicator & strategist for hire. Owner of Juju Eye Communications + publisher of The Hit Job. Twitter: (@thejujueye).

The Hit Job

humor | culture | football | trouble

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