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The elusive low (or but I know Jay)

5th day in Spain

What’s your favorite season? The next season? When it’s freezing, we can’t wait for spring. Not me. When it’s freezing, I say to myself, “It’s better than baking.”

“Laugh neon signage” by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

I can take the dried, cracking skin and chapped lips. I can take the wind chill’s teeth piercing my layers of winter clothes. But the heat? Like we say in Texas …

It’s not the heat. It’s the humility

Okay, that’s not exactly how it goes. It’s the humidity that oppresses.

“I don’t mind a dry heat,” they say.

Humidity makes it worse, but heat is heat. Hot is hot.

The elusive low 90s

So far, every day I’ve been here in Madrid — all five of them — the weather app has forecasted a cooler day the next day. Then every day is as hot as the previous day with a new forecast of a cooler day tomorrow.

Every day we’ve been hopeful for relief the next day. Every day, more hope.

Until today, day five. Finally, the high 80s, preserving my faith in hope and in the weather app.

Elusive or illusive?

I still don’t know. I went with elusive. I hope I got it right.

Why I don’t go to comedy clubs

You’d think someone like me, who loves to laugh and make people laugh, who tries to be funny when he writes, would love comedy clubs. I don’t go to comedy clubs.

I’ve been to two comedy clubs. Both times, a friend won a drawing where they could get 15 or 20 friends free admission for a show. There was just a two-drink minimum.

The second time

The second time I went to a comedy club, the friend who won the tickets knew one of the comedians from their church. We got to meet the comic before the show. It was a good time. All the comics were funny, but funny is easy to come by.

But I know jay!

My friend Jay is hilarious. He is the reason I don’t go to comedy clubs. When people ask me to go to a comedy club, I say, “Why would I spend money on people who may not be funny when I can hang out with Jay? Jay is always funny. Plus, more than two drinks!

Then they’ll say something like, “But I won these tickets and I need to find 15 to 20 people to go. It’ll be fun. You’re funny. You’ll have a good time.”

That makes sense (to them)

Musicians want to go so other musicians. Writers read other writers. Artists go to museums to see other artists’ work. It makes sense for comics to go see other comics.

I’m not a comic, though. I don’t have to tell you that. You’ve read my work. I didn’t seek to improve my comedy. I just wanted to laugh. I know Jay, who doesn’t have a two-drink minimum and never uses my (lack of ) height as part of his routine.

And Jay is always funny. Hecklers need not apply. You’ll only be disappointed.

The first time

The first time I went to a comedy Club was when a friend my girlfriend (at the time) asked us to join them.

“It’s free!,” she sold us — I mean told us, “There’s just a two drink minimum.”

When my girlfriend (did I mention at the time?) told me about it, I replied,

“But I know Jay.”

“You never want to hang around my friends.”

Rather than go into all the reasons I didn’t want to hang out with her lame friends and the subsequent argument that would follow, I went to the comedy club with her and her friends. It’s a two-drink minimum, not limit.

The second time

The second time it was the preacher who married my wife and me. I couldn’t say no to him, and I had no reason to assume his friends were lame.

It’s the gift that keeps on giving

After both those visits to comedy clubs, I received phone calls informing me I that I won a drawing and that myself and 15 or 20 of my closest friends could get free tickets for a show. There’s just a two-drink minimum.

“But I know Jay,” I replied to the excited caller.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Never mind. No thanks.”

But I kinda like the music

Whenever Spain comes up in conversation, as it did frequently the past few months, Jay will say,

“You know. <grand pause> I’ve never been to Spain. <shorter pause> But I kinda like the music.”

You know it’s coming. You can see it from a mile away, but comedy is timing and delivery. It never gets old.

I have to tell you. I have been to Spain, and you know what? I still like the music.

Another famous Spain saying is …

The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plains

Out of my past nine years on this planet, I have now spent nine weeks in Spain. I enjoyed the music. I couldn’t wait to get here so I could confirm that the rain does indeed fall on the plains.

I’ve only seen it rain once, though. It was not in the plains. It was for about 20 seconds when I was lost. I took the subway from the city center. I stopped at the right stop, but came up the wrong tunnel and had no idea where I was. I had to pay for another fare just so I could enter the gates and come up the right tunnel.

It’s amazing the difference a city block can make.

I still know Jay

I still know Jay. Depending on the bartender, there is always a two-drink minimum. The downside: whenever I drive, there’s a two-drink maximum.

We’re working on a podcast.

By “we’re working on a podcast,” I mean that we’ve recorded nine episodes and everyone is waiting for me to publish our recordings on all the podcast sites.

Speaking of City Central

I still haven’t been. Maybe tomorrow.

This is day five of my Summer in Spain saga that began 13 days ago.