The only English-to-GOP phrasebook you’ll ever need!

CIVILITY [səˈvilədē/]

English: Respect, courtesy, politeness

GOP: 1) Having the decency not to accuse someone of doing the horrible thing they just did. 2) Politely internalizing relentless racist attacks without making a big deal of it. 3) Not pointing it out when men rape you [see: unladylike]

GENTLEMAN [ˈjen(t)lmən/]

English: A courteous or honorable man

GOP: If you hold the door open for a lady, feel free to rape them on the way out.

FAILING [ˈfāliNG/]

English: To be unsuccessful in achieving one’s goal, neglecting to complete something.

GOP: A loser; also see: people who don’t like me

PATRIOT [ˈpātrēət/]

English: A person who vigorously supports their country and defends it from it’s enemies.

GOP: 1) A person who has a giant American flag in your face but doesn’t give a shit about our own citizens being murdered by our own police. 2) Enemies are the brown ones, right?

SOCIAL JUSTICE [ˈsōSHəl ˈjəstəs/]

English: Justice in terms of the distribution of wealth, opportunities, and privileges within a society.

GOP: A sad and failing movement led by feminists and illegals to try and rob decent, hardworking whites of their “due.”

ILLEGAL [i(l)ˈlēɡəl/]

English: Contrary to or forbidden by law.

GOP: BUILD. A. WALL!

SHAM [SHam/]

English: 1) A thing that is not what it is purported to be. 2) A pillow covering.

GOP: Any accusation of a cis white man for any misbehavior.

FEMINIST [ˈfemənəst/]

English: A person who advocates for women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes.

GOP: A person who wants special favors, like not being raped. Basically, total dykes who want to ruin important men’s lives.

GREAT [ɡrāt/]

English: 1) Of an extent, amount, or intensity considerably above the normal or average, large and imposing. 2) Of ability, quality, or eminence considerably above the normal or average.

GOP: White.

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Note from the author:

I only write satire like this to heal, and I think a lot of women needed to heal after yesterday. Not responding to trolls on this one. If you want to make your own “English to Liberal Cuck Phrasebook” have at it.

If you feel inclined to read more from me, you can find my “hilarious” cancer survival tale here, my Nancy Drew Review Project on Blogger and my writing in fiction form in Suspense Magazine and The Sleuth. Also, follow me on Medium, Instagram, and also Twitter even though it’s garbage.

Thanks for reading!