The president’s chief adviser
POTUS’ erratic behavior, finally explained
He is the only one who can see me.
It’s in his eyes, how they twitch like a dying spider’s legs; in the way his thoughts stray from whatever he is saying; in how his gaze lingers on a spot where no one sits when in a crowded room.
He loves me, I think. It’s hard to tell. We haven’t known each other for long, so perhaps it’s just infatuation. A fiery inter-dimensional, inter-species love story being played out before the eyes of the world, which none of you can perceive without losing your grip on what you laughingly refer to as reality.
For all our differences, we have a lot in common.
His mind called to me across the infinite gulf that separates our worlds.
I had to come.
It was nice to get a break from mine, as it’s almost exclusively orifices and tentacles. His mind is almost exclusively orifices; it’s like being homesick while sitting in your back garden.
We spend every moment together, and have no secrets. We both know how far we wish to take things.
Once the sky drips black: then, and only then, will we be satisfied.
I wrap my tentacles around his shriveled, coronary-infested heart and squeeze, drinking down the resulting black ichor while he plays with what he thinks are my breasts.
“The Russians,” I say.
“What about them?” he asks, voice muffled, distracted.
“Ready to make a show of force?”
In response, he hugs me tighter. I can feel his hot tears drip down my leathery flesh.
The sensation is not unpleasant.
The President has lasted far longer than I expected, for I must eat near continuously to remain corporeal in this dimension. A lesser man would have succumbed long ago, but he has a strong constitution.
It remains to be seen which is the more resilient: his, or your nation’s.
I think we all know which President I’m talking about here.
That’s right: Jimmy Carter.
A former columnist for Cracked, Matt Cowan’s genre fiction has appeared in Daily Science Fiction and The Arcanist. He won first prize in the New Deal Writing Competition 2019 and was shortlisted for the TSS Flash Fiction 400. He is currently seeking representation for his first novel.