The Yacht Rock Couple goes to therapy
Her: Listen. I want you backing me on this. Take this seriously, OK?
Him: Fine. But if you mention “pina coladas” or “getting caught in the rain” one more time, I’m outta here.
Her: Fine.
Him: Fine.
Her: That wasn’t my or your finest hour.
Him: I know, I know, I know. Take it easy on me. You know I’m not big on therapy.
Her: All right.
Him: Good. You do that to me one more time and I’m steppin’ out.
Her: Easy. We’re in this together. I hope we’re not late. What time is it?
Him: About 3:35. 3:34, actually.
Her: I don’t want to wait anymore. You sure this is the right place?
Him: Uh, pretty sure. You made the appointment. Across town.
Her: You know she has more than one office.
Him: More than this?
Her: Yes. One on Ventura Highway and one on Baker Street. I told you …
Him: No, this is it. See? “Margaret Hook, couples therapy.”
Her: That doesn’t mean the appointment was for this office! When I need you to do one thing you couldn’t get it right. I swear, I would give everything I own if you could just, Oh …
Him: Who is this pretty woman?
Dr.: Hello, it’s me, Dr. Hook. Won’t you come in?
Him: Yes! Hello. Show me the way. Uh, sweetheart, after you.
Her: Oh, I am loving your design theme. Is interior design your baby? I Love your way of mixing color and light. I’m guessing this is from the Middle East?
Dr.: So close, and yet so far.
Her: Africa?
Dr.: You got it.
Him: Oh, were you on safari?
Dr. No, I can’t go for that. I was on a sensual sailing trip with my partners on the Red Sea a long, long time ago. I can still remember … but let’s talk about you.
Her: Oh, uh … Rick has done a lot of sailing, haven’t you? You sailed on, what was that boat called?
Him: Calypso.
Her: Right. He asked me to come sail way with him and his buds. No, no! I go crazy on boats.
Dr.: Really? I love the swaying motion. It’s like slow dancing. You’re missing out. You don’t like the cool nights, breezin’ out at sea?
Her: I’m not in love with sailing. I can’t tell you why. Should we sit?
Dr.: Wherever you are comfortable. So, Rick and Ruhianamon? Rhyanna? How do you pronounce your name?
Her: Just call me Rhee for short. My parents were hippies into Celtic deities.
Dr.: OK, on that note, I like to keep things informal. You can call me “doctor” if you like, but most people just call me Peg. Or sometimes, “Dr. Love.”
Him: Any way you want it. Ooh, that smell. What is that?
Dr. Just my perfume, probably. I hope it’s not in excess …
Him: Is that “Escape”?
Dr.: Why yes. How you get me …
Him: Mmmhmmm. Oooooooh. You really got me with that.
Her: It is intoxicating. I feel like … makin’ love. Whoa. Did you put a spell on us?
Dr.: Did I put a spell on you? No, my lovelies. My aim is true.
Her: Is it hot in here? I’m on fire. Anyway, I just wanna stop and thank you. I’ve been searching so long for a therapist that could help us.
Him: Yes! Let’s sail on into some therapeutic healing.
Dr.: Ha! Clever. You really are into sailing, aren’t you? Do you have a yacht?
Her: Oh, not you too!
Dr.: Guilty. I apologize. I just love sailing on the cool and bright clean waters. But yes. We should get right back to where we started. So into you …
Him: I’m OK to talk about yachting anytime, if you’re feeling that way. Just saying.
Dr.: Oh, me too! Look what you’ve done to me. I feel just the same way too.
Him: These eyes, sorry, your eyes … are the most amazing baby blue.
Dr.: You’re so sweet. Your green-eyed lady is quite the stunner herself.
Her: Doctor, my eyes aren’t why we’re here.
Dr.: I’m just saying you could make some kind of wonderful, beautiful babies together.
Him: Baby?!! Hold on.
Her: Let’s get back to takin’ care of business.
Dr.: Right. Yes. We should get down to it. Let’s start simply with feelings. Nothing more than feelings. Who wants to start?
Him: Based on your angry eyes, Jolee … I mean, Rhee, I think you should start. You look like you could start a wildfire.
Her: Oh no you didn’t just almost call me Jolene, did you? That gypsy whore …
Dr.: Whoa. Hold the line, there. We’ve got a lot of strong emotion coming up. Let’s remember the love we have that brought us here. Love will keep us together.
Her: Us?
Him: Just the two of us?
Dr.: Today, we’re three little birds together in our nest. Help is on its way. I’m stuck in the middle with you and I’m here to guide us through the dirty work. With a little luck we’ll be back in the high life again. Don’t give up on us. Sound good?
Her: Sounds … uh, again, us?
Dr.: Mais oui. Let us come together.
Him: You’ve made me so very happy.
Dr.: Sorry. Which of us do you mean?
Her: Yeah, which of us do you mean, superstar?
Him: You, Rhee. Of course, I meant you … and you, Peg. You’re the women of my dreams. I’m just saying I’m so … feelin’ groovy, to have this one chance to dig deep into our hearts and get close to you. All together now, I feel the love in this room. Can you feel the love tonight? Some say loving you both is breaking all the rules, but …
Her: What’s going on?
Dr.: That’s lovely. You are so beautiful.
Him: Thank you. I honestly love you. Rhee and Peg and what’s happening to us all right now. You know, when you’re in love with a beautiful woman, it’s hard …
Her: It’s not always hard.
Dr.: Yikes, that was cold as ice!
Him: You heard that. She did it. Peg, if it feels like the first time from her, it’s not. Rhee, really? I keep forgettin’ how perfect you are, rich girl.
Her: Oh, at last. Still threatened by how much money my family has. On and on, he just keeps on trying. This could go into the night.
Dr.: I can go all night long. Whatever you need, I’ll be there. I’ll be around. No matter what. Maybe we could try a little tenderness? Let’s do it again. This time, let’s talk about what we are to each other. Rick?
Him: She’s always a woman to me.
Dr.: Can you expand on that? More, more, more!
Him: Maybe. I’m amazed at the vibe I’m getting in here. Mostly from you, Peg. Reading the room, I will stand tall and go first.
Her: Still the one who thinks he’s gotta go first. By all means. Go ahead. Let’s see if you can rise to the occasion.
Him: Wouldn’t it be nice to just be nice for a change? Rhee, I wouldn’t want to be like you, but just remember I love you. It’ll be alright. You’re the only woman I’m committed to staring at right now.
Her: That means nothin’ at all. But ‘sallgood. I feel fine. A little hot blooded, maybe. When I get this feeling, I want sexual healing.
Dr.: Wonderful. Tonight, I have a feeling, will be very special.
Her: Tonight? Like tonight, tonight?
Dr.: Tonight’s the night. It’s gonna be alright.
Him: Ooh. Here comes the night!
Her: For who? Is there some imaginary lover I’ve yet to meet? Hiding behind a plant or something?
Him: Oh, look who’s crying now! I try to open up to you, tell you how much I feel, tell you my dreams … Can’t we go back to the beginnings? Just you ’n’ me? Remember our little brick house on Main Street? Let’s go back there.
Her: OK, I’m sorry. I’ll be there. We may never pass this way again. You’re my best friend, OK? It’s just … it’s hard for me to say I’m sorry.
Dr.: For many couples, sorry seems to be the hardest word. You’re doing good work here. It’s not magic. Sometimes, love hurts. Sometimes, it takes a third. Reminiscing like this is a good step. Tell me about the house.
Him: You should come with us! It’s a very fine house. Lotta good times. Many celebrations.
Dr.: Alright. Now?
Him: I think it’s the right time of the night.
Her: You two just met, right? How long has this been going on?
Dr.: Rhee, what did you mean about an imaginary lover? Can we go back to that?
Him: Yeah, Rhee. Spread your wings and fly. Open up. It feels so good.
Her: What I see opening up here is Peg’s blouse.
Dr.: I’m sorry. Is my plunging neckline distracting you? I didn’t mean to turn you on.
Her: I’m not saying I don’t like it. But you know, professional ethics or something?
Him: I can’t wait for an ethics review and I love her blouse. We just disagree. C’mon. Let’s groove. Don’t rock the boat. Peg, Rhee … you make my dreams come true.
Her: You know, I’ll try anything once.
Him & Dr.: Just once?
Her: Don’t push it. But OK. Let’s take a walk on the wild side. We may never love like this again. Peg? I think you’re fired. We are going to have to turn the page on our therapeutic relationship and get physical. What do you say? Heaven awaits.
Dr.: Let me be your angel. Could it be magic?
Her: Strange magic. But I’m down. The things we do for love!
Dr.: Lovely ones, we can make it if we try. I’d like to make it with you. Use me. Nothin’s gonna stop us now that we’re lovely friends.
Him: Sail on, Sailor. I want you to want me. I think I’m in love. Seriously. I think I love you.
Her: You know you are one lucky man, right? Don’t answer me. You’re no good at rhetorical questions.
Him: This is the sound of silence.
Dr.: Then it’s settled. Shall we ease on down the road to your lovely house? Point me in the right direction.
Him: It’s on Albuquerque and Partridge. Can’t miss it.
Her: We don’t want to be missing you.
Dr.: In case we get separated, Rick, you have my number?
Him: Oh yeah.
Dr.: Don’t lose it.
Did you catch all the references, my lovelies? There are only 200. Or so. See how you did by scoring yourself with The Yacht Rock Couple goes to therapy playlist.
