Mar 4, 2017
Trump and the ‘very sacred election process’
One of us has the wrong idea about what ‘sacred’ means
Well, that “now he sounds presidential” phase sure didn’t last long. President Knee-Jerk (or just “Jerk” for short) is at it again. This time, with feeling.
Let’s set aside the wild, unsubstantiated accusation of “tapp” for a moment. Does “sacred” mean something different these days in our Trumpist, post-truth reality? I’m having a hard time keeping up. I guess “alternative facts” would include alternative terminology in addition to alternative spellings and alternative punctuation. To be fair to me, these are some Olympic-level logical gymnastics I’m trying to manage coming from the throne room at the White House.
Because, sacred? I thought this whole election was a corrupt endeavor. Don’t take my word for it. Ask this expert:
During the Oct. 18, 2016 presidential debate, candidate Trump said, “I’ll keep you in suspense,” when answering a question about whether or not he would accept the results of the presidential election. “What I’m saying is that I will tell you at the time.”
Trump later explained his views of our sacred election: “I would like to promise and pledge to all of my voters and supporters and to all of the people of the United States that I will totally accept the results of this great and historic presidential election, if I win.”
Ah. If he wins. Then it’s rock solid. That’s something we can all believe in.
Is that sacred? Is there any sacredness without faith? There is in Trump’s mind (or other orifices from where he pulls his ideas). But tell us more about our sacred elections, Don.
OK. So fraudulent, but sacred. Go on:
From Business Insider, Oct. 17, 2016: “And I’m telling you, November 8, we’d better be careful, because that election is going to be rigged,” Trump told Fox News host Sean Hannity in August. “And I hope the Republicans are watching closely or it’s going to be taken away from us.”
Also on Oct. 17, 2016, from CNN.com: “Remember, we are competing in a rigged election. They even want to try and rig the election at the polling booths, where so many cities are corrupt and voter fraud is all too common.”
Bless our sacred election: Rigged. Fraudulent. Believable only if the results go our way. But sacred. Bigly.— from the book of Trumpicus, chapter one, verse one.
The very prescient Trump warned us. The election was taken from us. It was rigged. That doesn’t sound very sacred. Sounds pretty corrupt, in fact. Downright fallible. Human-like. Maybe we should get a do-over.
It comes down to this: Donald Trump had faith in the election if it was going to go his way. Since the election did go his way, his worldview is now thus reinforced. This is a valuable insight into Mr. Trump’s ways of thinking — about the media, political opponents, sexual assault claims, tax reporting … what else?
Sacred … religion? Has he given us a glimpse into his avowed pious religious beliefs? I think he is. I’m sure this will go great for him.
— At the pearly gates —
Donald Trump: Where’s the valet?
St. Peter: Excuse me, Mr. Trump?
DT: There’s a lot of souls in my way. Such a nasty bunch. Who’s going to park my golden chariot?
SP: Ah, we thought that was yours. Sorry, but we don’t have a valet service.
DT: You what?
SP: There’s no valet, Mr. Trump. You can wait with the others. But you need not be troubled. Time no longer exists.
DT: Time, what? My time is valuable. I made a deal with God. Or someone. Luc or something or other. Nice fella. I’m hearing great things about him. Kinda smelled like sulfur. Intense eyes. But we have a deal. What kind of heaven is this?
SP: There is only one kind of heaven. And you’re not there yet.
DT: The hell I’m not.
SP: Did you really just say that?
DT: Listen, pumpkin-eater, I’m here to parade through the pearly gates.
SP: Oh?
DT: Yeah. And these gates? Too much pearl. You need some gold. Now that I’m here, things are gonna be different.
SP: We’ll see about that.
DT: See about what? I. Have. A. Deal.
SP: Funny you should bring that up. Our records show that you made a number of deals and then broke them during your lifespan. Bankruptcies, settled lawsuits accusing you of fraud, failed to pay money owed to contractors, failed to provide safe and equitable working conditions for employees …
DT: That’s just business, Peter principle. If you were in business, you’d know that you gotta do that to get ahead. What’s the hold-up? I got bigly plans for heaven.
SP: This isn’t heaven. This is where you account for your sins.
DT: My sins? Vladimir was supposed to take care of this. All this. Talk to him. I’m all clear. Let’s go.
SP: Vladimir is not here. You might join him soon.
DT: You’re making this very complicated. It’s worse than health care. Obama put you up to this?
SP: No.
DT: This is bullshit. I don’t believe this. This has to be all fake. You part of the media?
SP: The m-?
DT: I knew it. This is FAKE HEAVEN. If I’m not getting in, it’s fake. Take me to the real heaven.
SP: Right this way, Mr. Trump. Just make your way down those stairs over there. Watch out for that first step. It’s a doozy.
DT: It’s about time.
SP: It’s not really. Time no longer ex-
DT: Hey, Pete. You’re fired.
SP: Another interesting choice of words, Mr. Trump. I hope you appreciate irony.
DT: No one appreciates irony more than me.
SP: Tremendous.
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