Trump assassination attempt: We’re all idiots
Watch as we roll out every possible whackadoodle theory with gusto
There are some prominent idiots in the news: Donald Trump, who remains history’s luckiest, morons-think-the-sun-shines-out-his-ass, don’t-miss-that-horseshoe-lodged-in-there class A idiot who could not pass college exams without buying a surrogate to take tests for him, prone to rambling gobbledy-gook, psychobabble, brain-fart meanderings unmoored from logic or purpose beyond filling the putrid air around him. That guy. The failing-upward scion of a corrupt, wealthy family of shameless grifters, conmen, thieves, liars, racists and cheats. The idiot who thinks cruelty is witty, eagerly suggests, proclaims and repeats dangerous, violent exhortations to his astonishingly stupid millions of MAGA morons. And then pretends (?) to be stunned that this could happen to him. Idiot.
He’s such an idiot his idiocy is the only thing that gave the rational some hope: We held out that maybe, just maybe, even though he is unbelievably vile, venal and vengeful, he’s so stupid that he will often be incompetent in his nefarious, idiotically selfish deeds. But no. His minions are legion. They lap it up with gusto. He’s an idiot. They are possibly worse for sucking on his idiot teats.
Plus there’s the other idiot that tried to shoot him to death from the strangely unmonitored rooftop 150 yards away from where the felonious, diabolically stupid wannabe-again-POTUS was spoon-feeding his treasonous red meat to his Pennsylvania-bred moron caucus.
Two total idiots now stupidly tied to each other in history. One idiot tried to stop the other idiot, but failed. The only results were two-fold: Idiot now dead; other idiot now lionized as the self-aggrandizing narcissist he always was. Dead idiot, whom we don’t know yet what his motives were, almost certainly achieved the opposite of what he intended. He definitely didn’t help the opposition to Trump in any way. Instead, he did the the other idiot and the assholes and morons that follow him a huge favor. Trump is now ostensibly sympathetic and looks defiant. Idiot.
But this is not about those two idiots. This is about us. We’re the idiots. We remain relentlessly stupid. Eager to show our asses to the masses.
Political violence is stupid. Pointless. Idiotic. Counter-productive. Morally wrong, obviously, but also it just backfires every time. Only an idiot wouldn’t know and abide by that. And yet, the idiots are out in full force with their theories. Immediately after the shooting, X was alight with the dimmest of hot takes en masse, with “BB GUN,” “STAGED,” “ONE JOB,” “HOW DO YOU MISS,” and other conspiracy theories and evil snark the top keywords.
Where to start? How about these two idiots. The unhinged Ronny Jackson conveniently forgets all the violent rhetoric coming from his team, including his orange-hued moron leader. Good ol’ Jules rushes right to blaming Joe Biden. No evidence. Just firing away. Idiots. Keeping that cycle of vehemence and violence a-churnin’.
Also, this guy? This 20-year-old moron? You think Joe Biden and who knows how many underlings and intermediaries masterminded an assassination plot and picked this guy to carry it out?
Say hello to another tasty flavor of idiot. Art C. thinks Trump was in on it. Signaling his snipers in some way. Yeah, Russian President Bone Spurs is now suddenly so brave he gave the greenlight to have a far-away planted sniper take a shot at his head with a AR-15. Never mind that it’s abundantly obvious that Trump, who cannot form two cogent words without strict guidance, is looking around for his teleprompter. Idiot.
Prez has got some definite “thoughts” on exactly how one would/could/should react when being shot at. Katherine has Trump all figured out too. Just doesn’t add up! They know how it should have looked, don’t they? Idiots.
Speaking of looks …
So we should wait until more information is available, but … fuck it. Here’s my grenade and I’m going to lob it out there! The agents are caught smiling! It’s meaningful data captured in this microsecond! Idiot.
Here’s another random idiot below, gleefully stoking the fires of political violence. So, whatever happened to him?
The namesake son of the gleeful idiot had “thoughts” too:
Oopsies. This was way before yesterday’s tragic event. Chickens, come home to your roost now. Idiot.
A Mr. Mike Collins from Georgia knows what to do next. Except …
Rep. Collins has conveniently forgotten that the right wing-stuffed SCOTUS just ruled that President Joe Biden has immunity. Huh. Funny how that worked out. Your rules, dude! Idiot. Never mind the claims that Joe Biden is simultaneously a conniving criminal mastermind and also suffering from dementia. When you’re aginst us, you can do both! Ayup!
Lindsey G. from South Carolina is upset that he won’t get Sunday tips on his golf swing. “Obviously, God is not through with President Trump.” Interesting take. If God is not done with Trump, it must follow that God was through with the other victims of this event. What do we think of that? Idiot.
This next idiot waited for the right moment to finally come out for Trump. This heinous event, untethered to policy or substance of any kind, persuaded him. Ride that wave of emotion, Elmo! Keep going with your gut! You couldn’t possibly lose billions on this investment. Again.
This idiot from various parts of Colorado unburdened herself on the topic, sans any need for evidence:
It’s not just people that are idiots. Situations are idiotic too. Like this one:
Maybe it’s time to stop being idiots about guns and enact some meaningful gun reform, so damaged idiots like the shooter cannot cause so much harm and change the course of history with one evil impulse.
