TRUMP-MUELLER: LIVE! (and under oath)
Only on pay-per-view
This Sunday! The event of the century!
Donald “Can You Believe I’m President?” Trump
Robert “Bob” Mueller
The interview. Under oath.
Two men enter. Two men leave after the prearranged amount of time as agreed upon by both sides’ lawyers.
Only on pay-per-view!
Come on, Donald. You know you want to. The ratings would be astronomical. Like 9/11, but happy. Like the moon landing, but real.
It would break the internet. Or it would have if you hadn’t scrapped net neutrality and spurred ISP innovation.
It would draw a lot of attention on the internet.
Who wouldn’t watch? We could fund your infrastructure package. Maybe pay off the national debt.
The proceeds from Mexico alone would pay for the wall.
We could hold it at one of your hotels. Hype it for days. Charge admission.
CNN’s pregame would go widescreen there’d be so many people on the panel. Fox’s post-game would tell you you won. ESPN would air the national anthem — and when it plays, they’d all stand.
You could even air it opposite the royal wedding. Serves them right for not inviting you.
You’re not afraid, are you?
You did nothing wrong, right? So it’s a great opportunity to clear your name.
You’re not under investigation, right? So it’s just an informational interview. Help them catch the real bad guys.
What’s Mueller going to do? Try to trick you into perjury?
You’re honest. The most honest. Abe Lincoln wishes he was that honest. George Washington himself said you’re honest (and he could not tell a lie).
Besides, no matter what tricks that dastardly Democrat tries to pull, any genius that is both “Stable” and “Very” should have no problem turning the tables.
Let’s embarrass him on national television. Let’s put him under oath.
Who does this guy think he is?!? You beat Hillary Clinton. You stared down Kim Jong-un. You fired Gary Busey.
The only reason you wouldn’t do it is you’re such a giant pussy you spend all day grabbing yourself against your will.
The world is counting on you. No. Wait. America’s counting on — Hang on. Very fine people are counting on you.
Your whole life has been building to this.
You can do it.
Make it happen.