Trump to impose tariffs on Baltimore

Days after announcing his intention to impose new tariffs on China, President Donald Trump escalated his trade war today, announcing in a tweet that he would be imposing tariffs on a surprising new target.

“I am Tariff Man!” Trump tweeted this morning. “And as Tariff Man, I hereby use my special powers to, effective immediately, impose a 25 percent tax on all goods and services coming from Baltimore into America!”

“Trade wars are very easy to win,” Trump continued. “That’s why I have been hitting China with tariffs. Now the Chinese are manipulating their currency. This is the worst thing they have done since they invented global warming.”

Trump went on to claim the new tariffs are necessary to protect Americans because Baltimore is a “total shithole.”

Trump denied that the new tariffs would be paid by Americans in the form of higher prices. “The idea that tariffs cost Americans anything is Fake News,” Trump said. “The new tariffs on Baltimore will not hurt America at all. They will only hurt Baltimore!”

Legal experts questioned the legality of Trump’s latest actions.

“To impose tariffs on a city within the United States is unprecedented and raises serious constitutional issues,” said Harvard Law School professor Michael Josephson.

Trump denied the new tariffs are unconstitutional.

“It’s totally legal,” Trump said. “And if this so-called professor has a problem with it, he should leave America and go back to the shithole country he came from!”

Told that Professor Josephson is a native of Chicago, Trump said, “Yes, exactly. And by the way, they’re next!”