Fred Flinstone’s evil twin Devin Nunes releases a memo

Treason brings him joy.

As, Trump’s INSANE war against all U.S. intelligence agencies continues, I thought I’d take a moment to further explain the profound idiocy of Nunes and the GOP’s “MEMO.”

Oh, some of you are now thinking — “Witch hunt! Nothing after a year, except two or three guys connected to Trump definitely going to prison, and four guys connected to Trump desperately plea bargaining to keep themselves out of prison, by testifying against Trump! He never even MET those guys, despite them running his campaign for significant periods of time! And THERE’S a MEMO! That says stuff! About Hillary! And DEMOCRATS!”

Well, to those of you who thought exactly that, gosh, you’re so profoundly wrong, you’re almost right, but then sail way past that, back deeply into wrong again.

Here’s why. The now infamous “MEMO” is based upon a claim that the “Steele Dossier” is the entire reason Trump is being investigated, and thus, he and his family, and everyone on his campaign, and, his cabinet, should be allowed to commit as much treason as they please, whenever the mood strikes them.

And, yes, that’s weird, but also, THE INVESTIGATION DIDN’T START FROM THE DOSSIER! That came way later. Here’s how.

See, when Michael Flynn became a spy for Turkey and then tried to help some old guy get kidnapped back to Turkey, just in time for that aforementioned old guy’s own, brutal, public execution (so that he wouldn’t miss the festivities), the FBI and other agencies said … “hmmm.”

And when Carter Page started standing on random street corners shouting at the top of his lungs: “HEY! I’m a SPY! Hello! Worst Spy EVER! Right here! A spy. That’s me! That’s what I do now! A spy for weird, scary, foreign places! Wait, I brought a bullhorn … SPY HERE! GET YOUR RED-HOT SPY! I Look EXACTLY like a cartoon drawing of a sperm! It’s TRUE!! And I’m a spy! One that looks like a sperm!!! 
And, so, the FBI and other agencies said … “hmmm.”

This goes back to 2013, around the time Carter Page (no relation to Betty Page, or … any other Earthling), first purchased his bullhorn.

Separated at birth…

Now it turns out that Nunes’ memo, also — PROVES WITHIN ITSELF that there were reasons besides the dossier, which led to the FBI looking into hilariously idiotic people who naturally gravitated into Trump’s inner circle. The MEMO’s contents reveal the whole probe actually began with George Papadopoulos. No one in Trump or Nunes’ staff noticed this, because no one took the time to read the memo before releasing it.

So, this all started when George Papadopoulos (son of Mama-dopulous), in his role as Official Coffee Boy In Charge Of Foreign Relations for the Trump campaign, met with an Australian diplomat, and they had this verbal exchange.

Papadopoulos: “Hi, Mr. Shrimpon TheBarbie! Let me tell you all about some Treason stuff I’m up to against the United States … you know those guys right? America? Am I yelling? I’m probably yelling … and slurrrurrring … Hey! You’re a diplomat, right?”

Australian Diplomat: “You seem pretty drunk …”

Papadopoulos: “WOW! I’m drunk! You have no idea. So, I’m doing some TREASON stuff with Russia against the U.S., and they wanna help this guy Ronald McTrump win some kind of … thing … ELECTION! For … sanctions or something! Wow, I’m REALLY yelling again, everyone’s looking at us and kinda stopped what they were doing. Hey! I’m supposed to meet a diplomat here from Austria, or … somewhere, but I wanted to tell you about some treason stuff I’m up to, because you have a kind face, and you seem like a fun guy!”

Australian Diplomat: “I’ll be right back.”

FBI Switchboard Agent: “Hello, FBI agency, how can I help you?”

Australian Diplomat: Hi. So, a few moments ago I met with a fellow named Papadopoulos, who says him and his mates are doing some treason against your country. I tell you this because I’m a diplomat for your country … so, if it completely topples, I’m kind of out of a job.”

FBI Switchboard Agent: “Sir, is he still there with you now?”

Australian Diplomat: “He climbed into the lobster tank and is being escorted out.”

See, this is why the FBI and other acronym intelligence agencies started looking at those guys in particular. The dossier was secondary, and a copy of the dossier was handed to the FBI by none other than (drumroll ...) REPUBLICAN WAR HERO John McCain!

So, now, as promised here’s five other FUN FACTS: about Nunes’ Memo.

  1. It was dictated to Nunes by Russian spies, photographic evidence of which exists, as seen below.
“Write in memo, FBI is bad ”

2. It was written on a slab of stone by a bird using his beak.

“It’s a living …” says local prehistoric bird.

3. Here’s Nunes, on his way to hand-deliver the memo to Donald Trump, where Trump’s staff eventually explained the memo to Trump, by proceeding to act out the memo’s contents using sock-puppets.

4. Nunes was helped in crafting the memo by his longtime associate Mr. Barney Rubble, who was quoted as saying: — “Tee He he he he, That Devin Nunes really knows how to make treason fun!! Even I can see that, and I don’t even have pupils on my eyes!!! They’re just white circles!”

Rubble, though lacking pupils sees fun in Nunes’ acts of treason.

5. These Republican members of Congress fully endorsed releasing the memo.

BONUS: Here’s the visual for all this.

Trump: “I solemnly swear to do all your bidding, and commit treason against the United States of America”.

Written by Steven W. Rouach

©2018 SWRouach