What happens if Donald Trump wins?

If history is any guide for the future …

julian rogers
Nov 5, 2016 · 6 min read
He’s a wobber! And a wapist! (Somebody, please, tell me you get this reference.)

When the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School of Business sends its graduates to run for president, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending you. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.*

The most notorious of Wharton Biz School grads just might be our next president. Are we prepared?

Question: Has anyone told Donald Trump that when the election is over after Tuesday night, he won’t be campaigning anymore? Does he understand that being president will be a different job from spouting sound bites to his base: low-information voters?

Someone should tell him that life as President Trump will be different. (Where is John Barron when we need him?) I mean, what if he really wins? What will that be like for the United States of America (Before, of course, the name change to “United States of Trump.”)

Here is what we can expect.

The U.S. military will get much more support from the White House, unless Trump’s actual history is any guide:

From the Daily Beast: As of two months ago, Trump led Clinton among active military and veteran voters by quite a large margin, despite his attacks on a Gold Star family. Or his declaration that Sen. John McCain is “not a war hero.” And that time he told a veteran who had just handed him a Purple Heart medal, “I always wanted to get the Purple Heart. This was much easier.” Or the fact that his foundation donated more to the Clintons than it did to veterans groups.

And there’s this: “I will be so good at the military your head will spin.” — “The Hugh Hewitt Show,” 2015

Sports and business will have a great success story to look up to, unless Trump’s actual history is any guide:

From The Coffeelicious: Trump’s real intention had nothing to do with seeing the (United States Football League) succeed. He intended to kill it. His ambition was merely to force the NFL to absorb a handful of USFL teams into the almost impossibly lucrative NFL, the New Jersey Generals being at the top of that very short and very unreal list.

It didn’t happen.

Read: Donald Trump helped me get my wife

Donald Trump is not ashamed. Not a whit. In fact, he is proud of what he accomplished with the United States Football League. From Fox Sports:

“I got this league to go as far as it could go,” Trump said. “Without me, this league would have folded a lot sooner.”

If we had to pick a crown jewel for Trump’s headpiece of failure, the USFL debacle wouldn’t even make the top 10. From the New York Times:

Trump made real estate blunders that turned billions in potential profits into mere millions. His foray into Atlantic City brought him perilously close to personal bankruptcy. As for all his claims about owning a sprawling business empire, what he actually runs these days is a licensing company that slaps the Trump name on everything from buildings to steaks to an education company that was sued by New York State in 2013 for “persistent fraudulent, illegal and deceptive conduct.”

But what is The Donald really like to work with? Trump’s highly evolved leadership skills will be solace when times get tough, unless Trump’s actual history is any guide:

Filmmaker Mike Tollin, who worked with Donald Trump, from Salon.com: “Back in the day, my partner Gary Cohen and I used to say that when in a crisis or confronted with a tough decision, Donald was so insecure that he’d ask everyone their opinion and just follow the last person’s advice. Scary, huh? But what scares me most is not Donald’s inexperience or his lack of political savvy or even his reactionary views. It’s his utter lack of humanity.”

P.S. You are a loser

Is this just the sour grapes of one man? Let’s let the courts be our guide:

Women’s rights and personal freedoms will see unparalleled advances in a Trump presidency, unless Trump’s history is any guide:

— Kissing a Former Miss USA Contestant Twice Without Consent

— Groping a Woman Sitting Next to Him on a Plane

— Kissing a Receptionist at Trump Tower Against Her Will

— Saying He’d Date a 10-Year-Old Girl in Ten Years

— Telling Another Group of 14-Year-Olds He’d Date Them in a ‘Couple of Years’

— Sexually Assaulting a People Magazine Writer

So. Many. More.

Journalism will have a new beacon of integrity to guide its efforts to higher standards of ethical reporting, unless Trump’s actual history is any guide:

From RawStory.com: The Committee to Protect Journalists says a Trump presidency would create an “unprecedented threat to the rights of journalists and to CPJ’s ability to advocate for press freedom around the world.”

When he’s in a charitable mood, Donald Trump will merely try to discredit. From DailyDot.com:

Donald Trump on Wednesday called out NBC’s Katy Tur for allegedly being part of the biased media at a rally in Miami. Addressing America’s integrity in journalism, Trump said reporters are among the most dishonest people he’s met.

In response, the #ImWithTur hashtag immediately started trending in the U.S. on Twitter.

He will try to humiliate:

“You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her, wherever.”

From Newsday.com: Trump said that about Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly during a CNN interview on Aug. 7, 2015, a day after she asked him during the first Republican presidential debate about disparaging comments he’d made about women.

Or he will try to intimidate:

This is what we know we can look forward to in a Trump presidency. What surprises await?

© Julian Rogers

* Copywriting assistance provided by Melania Trump.

humor | culture | football | trouble

julian rogers

Written by

Maker of words and other annoyances. Communicator for hire. Unaffordable. Owner of Juju Eye Communications + publisher of The Hit Job. Twitter: (@thejujueye).

The Hit Job

humor | culture | football | trouble

julian rogers

Written by

Maker of words and other annoyances. Communicator for hire. Unaffordable. Owner of Juju Eye Communications + publisher of The Hit Job. Twitter: (@thejujueye).

The Hit Job

humor | culture | football | trouble

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