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When siblings attack & Paul Gosar’s family values

Dude, in case you needed more proof how much you suck …

Pictured: “WE ARE FAM-I-LY! COME AND HATE PAUL GOSAR WITH ME!!

Ah, the Republican Party. For when you want to work in government but don’t really want to stop being pro-Nazi, or a pedophile, or a maniacal lunatic, or all of the above, the GOP is truly your only choice. Why, they even openly support sexual assaulters, and do all they possibly can to ensure attempted rapists have a cozy life-long home on the Supreme Court!

A quick look just a FEW of the SCARY MONSTERS of The Republican Party

  • Roy Moore
    Pedophile, banned from malls. Racist. — Republican
  • Rep. Steve King
    Racist lunatic, deranged and disturbed, AND SUPPORTS DOG FIGHTING! That’s right. Steve King likes when dogs are forced, through violence and abuse, to viciously tear each other’s faces off for entertainment purposes. — Republican.
  • Rep. Jim Jordan
    When his own multiple students asked for Jim Jordan’s help in not getting molested, Jim Jordan sprang into action and said “Yo no hablo inglés.” and then, realizing he may not have done enough, Jordan spent some serious time thinking about what color to paint his house. — Republican.
  • Rep. Jim Knoblach
    Accused by his daughter of inappropriate sexual behavior towards her starting at the age of nine. — Republican.
  • Rep. Chris Collins
    Indicted for insider trading, and lying about insider trading — Republican.
  • Rep. Duncan Hunter
    Indicted for fraud because of a silly thing like swiping a quarter of a million dollars. To give some clarity for this, it cost Rep. Duncan Hunter $250 dollars to fly his bunny on an airplane, despite his bunny’s initial plans to stay home and maybe get together with some friends while they were gone … so imagine that cost — times 1000. THEN he blamed his wife for swiping the $250,000 in campaign funds. Here’s how she looked when he said that.
    :(
    See how angry and upset she is? Anyway, newly indicted Rep. Duncan Hunter is about to be single ladies — he’s dreamy. If you dream of idiotic felons who will throw a life partner under the bus to save his own skin in a way that is both whimsically evil, ineffective, and idiotic. — Republican.
  • Ted Cruz
    Leaves a trail of slime wherever he goes which makes everything all gooey. — And he does weird mime stuff! And since EVERY OTHER SENATOR HATES HIM, he’s not REALLY effective which is why he misses most Senate votes and stays at home listening to his wife retch, sob, and convulsively shower. — Republican.

AND this week, we saw a new, kinder, gentler Republican stance on RAPE and ATTEMPTED RAPE!

The musical trio of: Lindsey “Cracker” Graham, Chuck “UP” Grassley, and Orrin “O’ When-Didit” Hatch — all sang to Brett Kavanaugh, in bone-curling harmony the words “We DON’T CARE If You’re A Rapist, — You’re Still Going To The Supreme Court!” — to the tune of “She Works Hard For The Money”.

And NOW, in the worst case of sibling vs sibling hatred since the very tragic events of Oasis, SIX of Republican Paul Gosar’s brothers and sisters have made a very touching video about how Paul Gosar makes them all want to vomit, and is a horrible monster who shouldn’t be allowed to even run a treadmill and also is racist poop-head. That happened. They all waxed poetic about how growing up with Paul Gosar was way more traumatic than growing up with polio.

Now, this wouldn’t be a huge problem if Gosar had like, 100 brothers and sisters, where only 6% of them, statistically, completely loathe and despise him. But Gosar only has 10 brothers and sisters due to a period of time where his parents had no access to Netflix because it didn’t exist yet.

So out of 10 brothers and sisters, six of them were completely happy to be in a commercial specifically saying “Hi! We’re not like him. Paul Gosar is what a total bag of dicks thinks of when it, itself, thinks of a total bag of dicks!”


Now, let me shout this next question for the hearing impaired.

HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE TO SUCK — TO HAVE A BRADY BUNCH NUMBER’S WORTH OF SIBLINGS — ALL AGREE TO BE IN AN ACTUAL, REAL, TELEVISION COMMERCIAL SAYING HOW MUCH YOU SUCK?

Answer: About this much.

(Photo: Charlie Leight/The Republic)

Written by Steven W. Rouach
swrouach@gmail.com