BREAKING: DNC chair admits he ‘wouldn’t mind if certain Americans’ die from COVID-19.
In a leaked tape sent exclusively to The Hmmingbird, (well not really a tape – rather, an anonymous, securely emailed sound file, but it sounds cooler to say “leaked tape”), DNC Chairperson Tom Perez can clearly be heard admitting that he wouldn’t mind if “certain” Americans die from the new coronavirus, COVID-19.
“Trump Jr. is more right than he knows,” Perez says in the tape. “But it will be his dad's fault if most of the dead are MAGA-heads. And as far as I’m concerned, that’s a win-win for us. I wouldn’t mind mind if a million certain Americans disappeared by November. Praise Jesus!”
Others in attendance riff right along with him on the leaked recording.
“Yeah, I mean babies and boomers are going to die, right?” says William Owen, a former Tennessee lawmaker and current DNC superdelegate. “So who in those two groups has better insurance statistically? Dems by huge margins. Yeah bro, total win-win.”
“The best Trump baby is a dead Trump baby, I always say,” says North Carolina superdelegate G.K. Butterfield. “Kill ’em and burn the bodies!”
The three then cackle maniacally on tape for a full minute, sounding for all the world like the lizard-vulture hybrid Skeksis species featured in the 1982 Jim Henson movie, “The Dark Crystal.” The laughter is finally interrupted by former Vice President Joe Biden, who walks into the room at that point. After the three fill him in on the conversation, they begin their raucous laughter until Biden calms them down.
“Be cool, children, be cool” Biden says placidly. “Let's not forget all the uninsured Bernie bro millennials weak from malnutrition. Goners for sure.”
This is a developing story.
