Member-only story
Person pays grocery bill by doing “a little jig.”
Or you can sing for your supper too!
Grand Rapids, MI, 9:30 AM, 7/29/24
“OMG. I did a stupid little jig and now my bill is paid!” said Hansel Rugner, a German national passing through and just buying some bananas. But instead of cash, he used his raw talent to pay the bill.
“That had to be the worst rap tune ever but hey now it's going to be used all over the state for a promotion!” said Rugner. “Oh. Did I use the, um, F or N-word at all? No? OMG, good. I got so excited! I was totally out of my mind! Free groceries were within my reach! If I did drop an N or F, they’ll probably bleep that out, right?”
Meyer Mega Marts of Michigan (MMMM), a chain of stores only found in the Great Lake State is trying something new. In this turbulent economy, they offer relief to the consumer; self ”check ME out” lanes.
The “method of payment” now includes, dancing, singing, or telling an all-audience joke. PRO TIP: The most store credit is given for telling a joke that offends no one standing behind you.
There are “No limits except for good taste,” says the sign at the entrance.
MMMM hopes it will draw in people with no money but are willing to sell their souls for a dozen eggs, milk, etc.
“We thought this would be a great way to engage the raw talent starving for attention in the neighborhood and rural stores around the state,” said Arthur Bighright, VP of marketing for MMMM.
“I lost someone close to me due to a TikTok challenge,” Bighright openly shared with tears. “I can only hope this gives some kid starving for a Snickers . . . a chance to do something positive with their overwhelming and powerful narcissism.”
To submit your performance, just select “talent” as the method of payment.
A 3-second countdown starts.
The lane surveillance camera keeps recording while an “AI Talent Judge" determines the worth of your little show.
“We give extra credit if they are buying bananas, cheese, and beer,” said Bighright. “Research shows this to be the typical diet of many struggling narcissists and even successful but still completely…
