The Hmmingbird

“The Onion cannot stand idly by in the face of a ruling that threatens to disembowel a form of rhetoric that has existed for millennia…”…

“I paid cash and I lost the receipt,” dollar store consumer.

“I’m just not going to leave,” Trump.

“Sorry everyone, there will be no more butt stuff.”

“He had files on all the ET races. We suspect Trump was trying to extort them for use of their time displacement tech,” said an FBI agent…

Trump gets played by Sacha Baron Cohen

“I’d rather swim in an ocean filled with shit than spend one more bloody second in gun-crazy America,” Ozbourne.

“Artemis? No, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” said everyone asked.

“They’re about as big as your typical collie but with a 10-foot wing span,” MSU Scientist.

“We were afraid this might happen,” James Madison, Clark County Sheriff

“I can not spit. Can you help me? This guy is a real asshole.” said the Robot.

Will America give up the hot lead for a hotter deal?

Has he finally really lost his mind?

“Why should Dodge have all the fun,” Ford Engineer.

“Everyone is acting like fascists. This is our last hope to save the GOP from eating itself alive,” anonymous genetic engineer.

“They came at night. We were completely defenseless against their blind rage and thirst for vengeance,” Bezos Yacht captain.

“It’s the defacto right of rich old white guys everywhere. It’s time to put it down on paper. It’s time for America to lead the way!”

Gov. Abbott deputizes over 100 pastor wives to enforce his new emergency action.

And if anyone “was seen spitting on it too.”

“Give me Ukraine or I drown Florida, imperialist Biden PIG!” — “The Terror” aka I mean Putin.

A Survey USA poll of people recently visited by the Secret Service asked, among other things, “What did the agents request if you offered…

Washington, DC 11/13/2020 9:30 AM

Galactic coordinates 05h 30m 00s, +00° 00′ 00 (somewhere off the shoulder of Orion), 12:15 a.m., Thursday, Oct. 15, 2020

Mars, 03/19/2020, 7:37 AM