Fractured Families
Kevin Jean Marie, 18, grew up in Port-au-Prince, Haiti, where he went to church with his mother every Sunday, knew everyone who lived on his block, and would play soccer with friends barefoot in the rain. But four years ago, Kevin and his father moved to New York to join his paternal grandmother, whom Kevin had never met.
This move was no surprise to Kevin, as his father had been working on obtaining papers for a long time. “I was supposed to come as a baby,” he said. “After 14 years, it actually happened.”
What was surprising, though, was that his mother would not be joining them in the U.S. Kevin said he was excited at the prospect of leaving behind the dangers and challenges of his home country for America, but the painful realization that he would also be leaving his friends, and most importantly his mother, was difficult to bear.
Ever since Kevin arrived in New York as a 14-year-old, he has not been back to his home country or seen his mom. He prays every night before going to bed, mostly for his mother. “Sometimes I see myself already next to her, hugging her,” he said.
Kevin is now a senior at Brooklyn International High School, a public school in downtown Brooklyn geared exclusively towards recently arrived immigrants who are learning English.
The school’s social worker Elena Sullivan said that Kevin’s situation is by no means unique. Leaving behind a beloved parent is difficult enough. On top that, these immigrant kids face normal teen issues, and a laundry list of challenges, such as the trauma of leaving behind a dangerous situation, the difficulty of learning a new language, as well as adapting to a new culture.
“What almost all refugees and immigrants here share in common is that they do not live in traditional households,” she explained. That generally means that they are either joining a parent or family they haven’t seen in a while or living with people they don’t know, like extended family or friends.
“These fractured family constellations are a heavy burden for teens like Kevin,” said Sullivan.
According to a 2017 report by Julie Sugarman for the Migration Policy Institute, many immigrant children often join their parents in their new countries after prolonged periods of separation, which can make the reunification process in the new surroundings challenging.
Sullivan said that these situations often make acclimation difficult for the students, especially as English language learners. For that reason, the school tries to make the transition as smooth as possible for their students by providing three social workers and a school counselor, whom they can see during or after class time. The school offers a multi-cultural curriculum, plenty of after school programming, and an approach to learning English that allows students to use their native languages and collaborate with others who understand them.
Currently the students come from over 30 countries and speak more than 35 languages. Many of the teachers and counselors also speak an additional language, which can help them better communicate with the students and make them feel more at ease, particularly when it comes to sharing mental health issues or problems at home.
Kevin said he didn’t live with his father in Haiti, and now rarely sees him, because he works long hours in construction. He had to build relationships with his new family in New York, including the younger half-brother he lives with now. Despite the initial difficulties, Kevin, who is naturally easy going and very approachable, quickly befriended his cousins and integrated into his new home. “After the second day it already felt like I was part of the family for a long time,” he said.
Kevin walks the hallways of Brooklyn International High School with confidence, greeting his many friends with high fives and fist bumps as he passes them, always offering a smile or joke.
But he wasn’t always at ease. On his first day of school in 2015, Kevin barely said a word, too afraid of making a mistake. It’s a school that exclusively serves new immigrants from a variety of countries. Still, everything was foreign to him.
Sullivan pointed out that the adjustment to a new school can be quite jarring for students, particularly in the beginning and when their previous education system has been a lot stricter and disciplinarian, sometimes even using corporal punishment.
Kevin remembers hating school back in Haiti and not caring much about learning. Teachers wanted the students to memorize entire textbooks, he said, so he would often not do his homework and sometimes even play hooky. He said he always felt pressure before the school’s tests, which had high stakes and could determine whether a student would need to repeat a grade.
Brooklyn International is very different. There are no bells, teachers are addressed by their first names, the students are free to move about during class time, and there are almost no tests. Other than the English Regents exams, the school’s other performance assessments are done through portfolios and presentations, designed to let the students demonstrate understanding of a subject matter.
The transition from a such a strict, rule-governed environment to the more lenient and familial atmosphere at this Brooklyn high school can also be difficult for parents, who might feel their children are not learning enough, or not the right things.
Brooklyn International has a strong arts and social justice focused curriculum, with mandatory dance classes for 9th and 10th graders, and art classes for the 11th and 12th grade students 4 to 5 times a week, in addition to gym class.
There are also regularly scheduled community and circle time periods, which are often used to address any conflicts between students, or air other grievances. To convince parents of the usefulness of these classes, Sullivan said, the school tries to involve them and invites them to participate or watch whenever possible, so they can see the effects for themselves.
But for those parents who send their children to live in America with relatives or friends, it is often not possible or not a primary concern to be in touch with their kids’ teachers and schools. Brooklyn International’s parent coordinator, Lilian Ghali, explained that when a student is staying with relatives, they often have their own children or don’t involve themselves in the students’ lives due to work schedules and other commitments.
Sometimes it takes the school a while to understand when this is the case and it is causing the student emotional distress. Ghali cited a case of a student living with an uncle, who didn’t have much time for him, so he felt abandoned and angry, and kept acting up in class. It wasn’t until after two suspensions that the student confided in Ghali, whom he has come to see as a mother figure, and told her that he had no one to care about him. Ghali said that she has since consulted with the school’s counselors, and his teachers to relay his situation so it could be taken into account when he acted out in class.
Sullivan, explained that the school routine can be difficult for students, particularly those who have had a break in their education and aren’t used to sitting in a classroom all day. The teachers at Brooklyn International, therefore, allow their students to move around the room during lessons, and don’t admonish or punish them if they use their phones or are otherwise distracted. For that reason, dance classes can be a welcome break from the more strictly academic curriculum, as well as a chance for students to foster their multi-cultural understanding by learning about dances from different regions of the world.
As a senior, Kevin no longer has dance incorporated into his normal schedule, but he is a regular participant in the after school dance company twice a week and is most comfortable when dancing, or in the dance studio. He loves to dance and hopes to minor in it when he goes to college next year. “It’s good to forget some stuff, like how hard it was back in my country, especially in school, or what’s going on there right now,” Kevin said. His dream is to major in photography and travel the world with his mother, who works as a translator back in Haiti.
While Kevin’s choice of field of study is not unusual in the United States, for immigrant families, who leave their homes behind to make a better life for themselves and the next generation, going to university to study photography and dance may seem like a frivolous endeavor. While Kevin’s dad was supportive of his decision, his grandmother told him she thought he would go for something more lucrative. But Kevin was unbothered — he already has Computer Science as a backup up his sleeve, because he has always been good with numbers.
No matter what Kevin will end up studying, he knows what he has already gained from his experience at Brooklyn International High School: perspective.
“Back in Haiti I didn’t care about anything except myself. Now I understand that there are people everywhere with the same experiences, who relate to me. That changed my point of view,” he said.
In the beginning, Kevin’s mother didn’t want him to leave, he explained, because there is a perception that you become a whole different person in America, “someone bad.” So Kevin did his best to prove her wrong and “do everything perfect.”
Now, when his mother calls his auntie to ask if he’s being any trouble, his aunt will say it’s the contrary, Kevin said, flashing his signature grin.
