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We’ve All Been Lazy and Questioned Our Purpose for Being Alive
And other things humans feel.
We often see joy, laughter, and light around us, especially on social media, but we don’t see personal struggle, heartbreak, or darkness. This is only natural. I don’t want to share selfies of my puffy, red eyes or share a story in which I break down my overthinking for my friends.
However, the flood of happiness has left many of us feeling alone. Whether consciously or unconsciously, we start to think, “Why aren’t I that happy? Why isn’t my life put together that well?” But I’ve seen friends share stories of a beach view when five minutes before they were telling me about their rough day. In other words, we’re all faking it at some point or another.
That’s why I wanted to write this.
I have felt some pretty shitty things. (Perhaps it’s not the most writerly way to put it, but I feel it has an accuracy that can’t be encapsulated with other words.) I’ve felt pain that I believed was unique to me because no one else had told me about it. This made me feel lonely and alien.
Good news, however. These feelings aren’t original — which is a relief, I have to add. This is not something I would want to take credit for. They’re universal and human. I wanted to share them with you because maybe you feel alone in your ocean, but you deserve to see that others are also trying to survive. And that is more than okay.
Many of us have:
- tricked ourselves into believing we’re happy only to wake up one day with dread and the realization that we’re not okay at all. We’re left to ponder our past and question our future, and that is terrifying.
- questioned our purpose for being alive, over and over again, like we’re the drive that makes the record spin. I’m a teacher, but is it enough? I’m a daughter, but is it enough?
- felt so afraid that we chose not to try at all — and that eats at us like blood-sucking bugs because what was the harm, really?
- stared out the window and wished so badly that we could live — skydive, hike, ride a motorcycle, lay in the grass, swim in a sea in a different country, walk cobbled streets. This is like a…
