Excerpt from “50 Shades of Freedom” An Erotic Novel For The Freedom Trucker
By Scott Garland
Greg had been living a lie.
He’d been raised by liberal twitter and soft boi CNN to believe that he should “have empathy” and “act responsibly” towards others.
But on this night, the 6th night of the convoy protests, Greg would learn a lesson that those cucks on sesame street could never teach him: Freedom.
While the police were threatening protesters with high fives and words of encouragement — the fascists — Greg’s eyes were feasting on the demonstrations of hot, sweaty courage that surrounded him.
Proud boys were reciting the works of Jordan “beef cures depression” Peterson, between rousing verses of “Proud of your boy” — the song Disney cut from Aladdin because society doesn’t want boys to be proud. Others were throwing rocks at reporters for claiming the protesters were acting violently.
This is what Greg had been yearning for: intellectual stimulation. But his night of stimulation had only just begun. Standing across from Greg, between the bouncy castle and someone defecating on the tomb of the unknown soldier, was the man who would serve as Greg’s guide:
TruedeauCastro64.
Like a band around Joe Rogan’s thighs during a deep squat — Greg felt the pull. His heart raced as he approached his new patriotic patronus.
These two freedom lovers stood well within 6 feet of each other, peck to peck.
But Greg just had to lean in a little closer.
Partially to hear what was being said to him over the constant drone of car horns terrorizing local residents, but also to feel the hot breath on his neck.
Greg bit his bottom lip in preparation for the red-pilling he was about to receive.
TC64 red-pilled Greg so hard.
Masks were a form of mind control, not a proven medical instrument literally used for centuries! Vaccines made the blood impure, just ask Deuce Bigalow! Swastikas and confederate flags aren’t symbols of hate, the mainstream media is run by Bill Gates — that’s why they’re so PC!
All this stimulation made Greg’s brain quiver.
His tight, moist brain couldn’t take much more; but that’s when it received the thickest, juiciest pill of them all: that the most oppressed group of people was the North American White Male!
Greg could not prevent the moans from escaping his lips, so strong was the truth-gasm. His eyes were rolled up in the back of his head, but they were open for the first time.
Open to the nipple hardening truthiness of it all — that Greg was the victim.
Sure, somewhere in the world a tyrannical Oligarch was leading an unprovoked invasion of a sovereign nation — but that was just the haze of lib snowflakes shrouding him from actual, real truthiest truth.
Everything that has happened — is happening — will ever happen — is all about Greg.
No, no longer Greg.
At that moment, by the light of an apartment fire started by a free speech advocate, he was newly baptized:
EzraLevantStan69.
***
Scott is a German-born, Alberta-raised, Toronto-based actor & writer. A lover of hats. Devourer of snacks. Head-scratcher of all your doggos.
