Excerpts From A Literary Experiment: Fill-In-The-Blank Erotica
There have been many literary innovators in the field of Erotica, from Travis Philbman, the first erotica writer to work exclusively in the future tense, to Marian Snoots, who pioneered six new uses for the verb ‘throbbing’. Today, we shall examine the work of Patricia and Sandra Drake, who in 1998 sought to create a ‘virtual reality’ erotica, into which the reader could insert their own persona and details.
After brief investigation revealed that computerized virtual reality technology would be too expensive, they decided to work in the print industry instead.
Harnessing a drive for innovation not seen in the industry since the invention of the “shirtless man on the cover”, the pair set all of their resources to work to create the ultimate personalized erotica. However, the writing assistants that they hired had extensive expense accounts, leading to the Drakes’ immediate bankruptcy.
This proved to be poor value for money.
Unfortunately, the ‘cutting edge technology” that was ultimately created was not especially sharp. Below, in print for the first time ever, is the model by which the Drakes intended to revolutionize erotica. The format may be familiar to some readers, as it was lifted directly from the then already popular Mad-Libs.
Lawsuits aside, it’s probably for the best that it didn’t get off the ground. Sometimes it can be hard innovating in a competitive field.
* * *
Getting ______<verb>ed By My __________<Type Of Relationship>
(page 21 of 161)
________<pronoun> gazed deep into my eyes, salacious, hot, __________<verb>ing _________<organ> teasing the needy circumference of my _______<orifice>. My breath caught short, heart pounding — an ample and rich metaphor for the _______<noun> that would shortly be pounding my ________<different orifice>.
“_________<italicized divine being>”, I breathed. “You’re unspeakably ________<adjective>.”
* * *
(page 56)
I shivered under the tender ministration that _______<given name> was giving my _______<body part>. Their _________<noun> had left a pink welt where it had been used to _______<verb> my __________<adjective> skin, so tenderly, so _________<adverb ending in ‘ly’>. This had been what I had been waiting for, all my life.
And now that it was here, I wanted more.
* * *
(page 103)
It was time to come clean — I had already come _________<adverb ending in ly>. The truth was, I had been _________<verb ending in ed> until I could barely ________<verb> straight — not that it was all that high a priority.
“I think that I _______<emotional verb> you,” I said, “like I never have anyone else. Your _________<verb ending in ing> brings me to heights I’ve never seen before — and your _______<organ> is ever so ________<adjective>.”
“Come closer,” ________<pronoun> replied. “You can take a closer look.”
* * *
Inventive? Perhaps. Mostly they just ripped off a popular word game. Still, it was clearly an idea whose time — and readers — never quite came.
Andrew lives in Ontario, Canada, and writes silly smut and hard-hitting tepid takes about movies. This is done both for the sheer joy of it, and the desire to keep their pet parrot Mango fed.
