Submission Guidelines

Clare Blackwood
The Honeypot
Published in
3 min readDec 4, 2020


ATTENTION! The Honeypot will be closed for submissions until October of 2022! We’ll see you in Halloween season, beauties!

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Who We’re Looking For:

The Honeypot is hungry for writers of all genders, sexualities, ages, and expressions. If you have funny words for us, we have a home for you.

What We’re Looking For:

The Honeypot welcomes comedic and satirical pieces relating to all things sex, relationships, passion, pleasure, dating, and all things in between. Our aim is to foster an inclusive, positive, intersectional space where anyone and everyone can lay bare their deepest, darkest fantasies, desires, and the occasional list about butts. We encourage you to get weird and creative! Have a funny piece about something that literally no one else thinks is hot but you? We want that! A short erotica featuring the cast of Murder on the Orient Express? We want that too! A list of romantic tips from the alien from Predator? You KNOW we want that.

We have a special section called The Smut Corner where we’re looking for the raunchiest, the funniest, and the WEIRDEST erotica of all flavors you have to offer. Excerpt from a fake erotic novel titled ‘Frankenstein’s Monster (It’s Actually His Penis) by Stefania Glitterball’? Sure. Just go to town. The stranger the better.

We ALSO have a cool section called True Titillations: do you have a hilarious true sexual story/adventure/moment that would make a kickass piece? Something like “Jude Law in The Young Pope Awakens My Inner Naughty Nun", or “My Parisian Fling With Who I Drunkenly Thought Was Gary Busey”? Send it our way!

We’re super into funny, sexy personal essays, lists, open letters, cartoons, and more (just no Onion/Beaverton-style news satire, please)!

What We’re Not Looking For

Anything that punches down at body size, sexuality, gender, age, sexual preferences, kinks, etc. Let’s get away from the idea that there is a “normal” to any of this stuff! There isn’t!

Submission Guidelines:

  • Pieces should be roughly between 300–1000 words (however, if you have a genius idea that is a bit more or a bit fewer, send it our way, you genius, you!).
  • For timely pieces, please include “TIMELY” in the subject line of your email. Timely pieces should be related to something that has happened in the last 24–48 hours.
  • For The Smut Corner, please put “TSC” in the subject line of your email. “TSC: Excerpts from the little-known Dracula Erotica, ‘I Vant To Suck Your Toes’”.
  • Please email us a link to your piece as a private, unpublished Medium draft included in the body of your email. Attachments will not be opened, pasted text will not be read. Help us help you!
  • Include your Medium @ username in your email so we can add you to our publication! We want people to know who you are, you hottie!
  • We want you to get paid for your work! That’s why we ask all our writers to submit their pieces using Medium’s Member Partner Program. For more information on the program, check out this link!
  • All submitted pieces must be unpublished.
  • Please only submit one piece at a time.
  • We are but two humble women trying to bring more hot hot comedy to a world currently (and literally) on fire. Thus, you should hear back from us within roughly one-two weeks’ time. We aim to provide short, concise feedback should we not accept your piece, or might provide notes/a request for revision/punch ups.

Where To Submit:

Please email all submissions to *our, with “SUBMISSION: + your article title” in the subject line. All other inquiries can be addressed to



Clare Blackwood
The Honeypot

Canadian actor/writer/comedian; writer for The Beaverton; words in CBC Comedy, McSweeney’s, The Belladonna, etc. Co-Founder of The Honeypot.