2016 Predictions From A Person Who Is A Game Of Thrones Fan And Is Also Afraid Of Squirrels
1. Jon Snow will be brought back to life by Melisandre, who will also become his lover.
2. Bran Stark shall gain surprising powers after Hodor is slain by a bandit.
3. Did you hear that? Something is scratching in the attic. I don’t want to think about it.
4. With counsel of Tyrion Lannister, Daenerys Targaryen will grow in strength and she will be poised to contend for the Iron Throne. That will not come in 2016, but who can say for the future?
5. Cersei Lannister will recover from her shame, and, with the help of her golem she will destroy the Sparrows and will regain her power in King’s Landing.
6. That noise is terrifying! I know what it is! There are probably 10 of them up there. Maybe 20! At night they will make their way into the house and gnaw on me as if I were a giant acorn! Make it stop!
7. Arya will continue her training, and will gain true insight into her own powers and the nature of others. At this point, her vision will return, and she will be hailed as the true emissary of the Many-Faced god, placing her in a position to truly begin her campaign of revenge.
8. Their white teeth shine in the darkness. Can’t you see! Oh, you think they are cute. But they are not! They are diabolical rats who one day shall destroy us all.
9. Theon Greyjoy and Sansa Stark will be recaptured by Ramsay Bolton. Theon will redeem himself by sacrificing his life by attacking Bolton. This gives Sansa an opening to kill the sadist while he is distracted.
10. You will not laugh when the uprising occurs. They are cunning and legion! There are 20 of them for each of us, and that is more than enough! In the end, we will all be the servants of the squirrel overlords, and the days will be dark evermore.
11. Hot Pie will be back!
Photo by K. D. Schroeder [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
Originally published at www.thehowlingmonkey.com on December 31, 2015.