From a list of things that were probably not a good idea for various ladies to put in the “Most Private Thing I’m Willing To Admit” section of their online dating profiles


1. I sometimes scroll through matches while completely naked.
2. I like to be farted on (preferably on the lower back) but DO NOT like to fart on other people.
3. I’m a republican.
4. I’m really good at faking orgasms.
5. Bill Cosby is my hero.
6. There are a lot of mice living in the wall of my apartment and I feed them and think of them as “my little guys.”
7. There are a lot of times when I’ll wear the same pair of underwear for a week straight.
8. When I look in the mirror I sometimes think that I look like a young Don Knotts.
9. Every time I poo, I pee a little bit.
10. I have a severe gambling problem. I hope this doesn’t scare you off! ;)
11. I love John Mayer’s music.
12. I have “gone clear.”
13. I love wearing socks with sandals.
14. I have never masturbated in my life.
15. My nickname in high school was Frank The Tank.
16. I often daydream of John Travolta putting his hands all over me.

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