Rejected Slogans For Breakfast Cereals
Cereals are a multi-billion dollar industry. Everyone has their favorite, and, guess what? It’s not just kids! Adults eat the stuff too! Go figure!
Because cereals are big business, manufacturers spend big money on marketing. Think about your favorite cereal, and we’ll bet dollars to donuts (or bowls of delicious cereal!) that you can conjure up the marketing slogan for that particular product.
But, what you probably don’t know are the slogans rejected by cereal makers for their tasty wares. Well, fret not! Here are some rejected slogans for cereals that we probably made up!
Grape Nuts: We swear by all that is holy that this stuff is actually cereal, and it’s pretty good if you have about a pound of sugar handy!
Cheerios: They’re not just bland. They’re also round.
Froot Loops: You want weirdly colored milk? We have you covered!
Lucky Charms: Those really are marshmallows. We promise!
Cap’n Crunch: Soggy mass of goo or razor sharp shrapnel to rend your mouth into a horrifying melange of blood and shredded flesh, it’s your call with the Cap’n!
Life: Well, it’s an option!
Mueslix: We are a cereal, and not an ointment.
Chex: No one believes you are eating this as a cereal. We all know you are making a mix with it for your Fantasy Football draft. And that’s okay.
Rice Krispies: Pretend you are eating a lot of bugs! It’s fun.
Cookie Crisp: Irresistibly Irresponsible.
Shredded Wheat: Put a brick in your bowl and hope for the best!
Sugar Smacks: Dig ‘em….apart with a spoon, because these sticky devils are going to clump together and you’ll need to chisel them apart.
Frosted Flakes: They’re Adequate!
Raisin Bran: It’s like Frosted Flakes. But with raisins! What else do you want?
Honeycombs: Don’t worry, they are not filled with bees!
This is a parody, which, frankly, should be obvious.
Originally published at www.howlingmonkeyradio.com on October 17, 2018.
