Remembering my Grandad through music …

Despite being 95, and having lived a good life, I’ve found it difficult dealing with a world in which my Grandfather is no longer a part.

He was a larger-than-life character. I think it’s the only kind my family can breed. But I’ve had a lot of difficulty sitting down to write his obituary.

He was a complex person. So much to love, but sometimes a little hard to like. Most of all I remember him in music.

As I’ve said in my Grandmother’s obituary, a visit to my grandparents was list stepping into a musical. Usually, the record player would be on, if they were watching a video it would be a musical, in the evening it would be the organ, and always there was singing.

Recently thanks to Angie Jones’s competition on TestAutomationU, I’ve had a bit of a go at singing as a challenge.

Here’s the thing — I’m an international speaker, I’ve sang and danced in musicals, and sung in a choir as a group. But singing solo TERRIFIES me!

I haven’t always been like this. My Grandfathers birthday was just after Christmas, and in some ways would be the bigger social event. A lot of my aunts and uncles would come to visit him, and my brother and I would be expected to put on a bit of a show for all the relatives.

In the ten days running up to what would have been his 96th birthday, I’ve chosen to remember him how he’d most want to be remembered, in song. Picking some he likes, some I like, and whatever’s in my vocal range. Occasionally trying something just for fun or to see if it could be done …

Day 1 — Jack’s Lament

I’d actually wanted to do White Christmas as my first song, but I’ve been having issues with it. And in doing this I also hit a huge problem with self-confidence about my voice, recording it and whether I was making a huge fool of myself.

So instead of outright singing, I got stuck into a character voice trying to sing, which I find a lot easier mentally.

I love Jack’s Lament from Nightmare Before Christmas, it’s about someone feeling at a bit of a crossroads, where everything they know should be making them feel happy instead feels empty. It’s a song I deeply connect with, so wanted to cover. I’m hoping I might revisit it and do a better job on it (it’s that important a song).

Day 2 — White Christmas

I actually found it much easier to record this without a backing track. I sing the song a lot, but it seems I’m used to doing so at a slightly different pace to the original, so I trip myself up.

I suspect it won’t be the only song this happens with — we’re so used to singing in the shower / car without the backing music!

This was a song my Grandad loved. I so enjoyed singing it, I had an idea for trying to do the lyrics as rap or drum n bass. I’ve actually recorded a version, using some backing music I found. What I didn’t think through was that there might be a little issue of copyright if I tried to put it on SoundCloud — oops!

Day 3 — What’s This?

This is another Nightmare Before Christmas song. I’d recorded this previously to have a spare song if needed, and found myself chickening out on night three unsure whether I should continue. I was finding the whole challenge much harder than I imagined.

Every time I started to hit record, my voice would immediately tighten out of nerves. Every night was a battle of nerves.

Day 4 — The Anniversary Song

It’s amusing that being ready to stop everything, the next song I’d pick would be my most challenging. My grandparents anniversary was in December, and my grandfather did an amazing rendition of this on his Golden Wedding Anniversary.

It’s also part of the oddity of my grandfather — he could be so stoic at times, or “Eeyore in human form” as my mum once described him. And yet he could be so sentimental in what he chose to sing.

It’s an Al Jolson song that I’m completely unfamiliar with and had to spend the whole day learning. I was further spurred on by the wedding of two friends to pick this particular song. I’m glad I managed to record it …

Day 5 — Love Letters

A song that thanks to karaoke I have a bit more familiarity with. It’s a great song, although I think of it mainly remembering the Alison Moyet cover.

Day 6 — Jack’s Lament

I returned to my first song. I felt because of the backing track I’d gone down more a route of “using a character voice speaking” rather than singing and wanted to try again.

Day 7 — Moon River

Whether the version from Breakfast At Tiffanies or the Louis Armstrong cover, this is a firm favourite for many people. I so loved this I returned to it again a few hours after recording to go again.

The more the challenge went on the more permission I gave myself to “do my own thing”, from singing something differently or even changing the lyrics. In the second version, I sang “Moon River — wider than the Nile”, which to me felt more poetic than “wider than a mile”.

I have to admit of all the songs, this one I felt I got closest to how Grandad sang, and it’s something I enjoyed because of that.

Day 8 — Krampuses Are Coming To Town

Inspired by a video of a Krapus parade in Austria, I wanted to change a Christmas song to cover them. “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” was almost perfect. This was about just purely having fun with a song.

So be good for goodness sake!

Day 9 — Maria

My grandparents loved musicals, so I knew I needed to pick out a musical number! I’m also working on a novel where West Side Story plays a very important role in one of the characters lives.

Day 10 — When I Fall In Love

My grandmother used Nat King Cole’s Unforgettable at her funeral. I find myself overwhelmed emotionally every time I hear it, so singing it was never going to happen. This was my next best go to.

Day 11 — You Belong To Me

Oops — I’m supposed to be good at maths, but didn’t notice that if you started from 17th December until 27th December you’d need 11 songs!

I found myself humming “You Belong To Me”, and so have been trying my best to learn it all day! It felt a suitable song to finish on.

Thoughts at the end …

The whole last couple of weeks have been interesting. I’ve thought a lot about both my grandparents in doing one of the things they most loved — to sing.

As I mentioned earlier, in the first few days it felt like I’d bitten off more than I could chew. I found myself getting tense before recording. I received some compliments about my singing from friends, but I found it nervewracking. This is probably why the first attempt at Nightmare Before Christmas songs sank into character voicework (which I’m much more comfortable with).

Something I understood doing it — the desire to be good is your enemy. My grandparents and especially my Grandfather was such an exceptional singer not because he sought to be good. But because he loved to sing, so he sang, every day, all the time.

He sang so much that he was comfortable with singing around others. He was also prepared to do his own thing when needed — his version of The Anniversary Song was different to Al Jolsons.

These three factors — practising regularly, being comfortable in what you’re doing, and making what you do your own (over trying to copy what someone else is doing) seems to be the keywords to doing well, enjoying, excelling in any endeavour. I hear a similar message repeated a lot around my writing circles!

By the end, I was much more comfortable in what I was doing and felt I’d come a long way. With every song I felt I’d stepped a little into his shoes, sharing something which was his passion, and it also helped me revisit a lot of memories of visiting my grandparents.

I think then it’s no surprise the most important song to me is The Anniversary Song. It was something I really wasn’t sure I’d be able to pull off, but I was really pleased to be able to …